Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 4, 2010
A Thursday rant.
Oh won’t you please come along with me for a ride on a Thursday rant? I assure you my rant does not include any of my usual idiosyncrasies although today’s topic is steadily creeping towards making the list. I begin with warning you I will discuss bathrooms in this rant although nothing relating to bodily fluids will exist. Well, adjust that last comment as I will in fact mention the act of…you know where I’m going with that statement.
In order to make this rant really hit home, I’m going to write it as the thoughts were going through my mind. Step by step. That way you’ll really get a grasp on my frustrations.
Hearing the clink of the bathroom key hit the bowl by the receptionists desk I hurriedly pop up from my chair and race to the front office in order to snag the key before someone else takes the key and decides to go on a 15 minute jaunt to who knows where with the key thus making me wait EVEN longer to use the loo.
I walk down the hallway & turn the key to the bathroom door. I cross my fingers that there isn’t anyone else in the bathroom as it is a 2 stall-er. (Editors note: I do not like to go to the bathroom when there is someone else in the stall next to me, UNLESS I am in a loud place like a theme park restroom or something similar).
I hear a toilet flush as I’m entering the bathroom. Shoot! But wait, look at the bright side of things, they just flushed; therefore they must be finished using the bathroom & will be leaving me to pee in private. A moment of joy overcomes me when I enter the stall (the smaller of the two which I hate even more than silent bathrooms – why not, if given the chance to use a larger stall, not capitalize on it and take it? If there is a handicapped – I mean – disabled person coming to use the bathroom I can guarantee a wait of 45 seconds is hardly traumatic for them) Right, back to the rant. So I’m elated for about 3 seconds when I suddenly realize the person just did a fake flush. They weren’t intending on leaving their cozy stall just yet. They wanted to be the quiet one next door making it all the more awkward.
Taking one of the toilet covers (aka razor thin piece of paper guaranteed to do nothing other than accumulate with the rest of the toilet paper, etc that gets flushed into our septic system) I gently place it over the toilet seat careful not to let it fall in. I plop down onto the seat, and wait. And wait. And wait. Nothing. Not a drop is coming out. I have to go pee that’s for sure.
As I mentioned earlier – I have a phobia. Don’t know why. It’s at this moment I wish Stall #2 would do another fake flush for me so I can mask my peeing sound with that of the 3.5 seconds of water swirling around the bowl. But does Stall #2 do that? No – they sit there with their checkered Keds tapping their feet being freakishly quiet. So now I’m thinking that they’re thinking “why the F won’t stall #1 just hurry up and go pee so I can finish my bidness!”
Realization of the day: I may not be the only one with a phobia but at this time I’m not giving a shit about Stall #2 (no pun intended). I have to pee. A few more seconds of award silence where I attempt to blow my nose (no snot, doesn’t work); fiddle with the toilet paper roll to make a bit of noise, STILL NOTHING. And then a trickle, barely enough to alleviate my full bladder. I’m not upset with myself or with my phobia – I’m upset with the person still being so F-ing quiet in the stall next to me. So now I start feeling uncomfortable and awkward.
How is that possible? I now feel like the intruder in the situation. But why the fake flush in the beginning? That just opened the flood gates of assumption that they were finished with their bathroom time. Realizing that I’m still sitting on the toilet having eeked out only a trickle of my morning coffee contemplating why the person in the stall next to me is also still on the toilet I decide to raise the white flag which in this case was a square of Quilted Northern and let myself bask in defeat. I quickly wrap up my business in the stall, head to the sink & wash my hands, and sulk all the way back into my office. Clink goes the key into the bowl for the next person’s bathroom adventure.
All this talk about bathrooms I realize I have more pet peeves related to bathrooms than I thought. A woman who works for the company down the hall (same office suite, just a separate portion) just waits in her cubicle until she hears me grabbing the bathroom key to decide “oh, you know what? I think I need to go to the bathroom too! I’ll come with you.” NO. NO. NO. NO. I can’t really tell her that although my mind is screaming it. So more often that I’d like, she comes to the bathroom with me.
I’m not a “come on girls, who needs to go the bathroom, let’s go together” type of woman. Bathroom time is my time. So every time she insists on coming with me, I want to hit her upside the head and give her my inner monologue manual. Chapter one: Kristen’s preference for alone time in the bathroom. Chapter two: Kristen’s dislike of obligatory compliments. (Chapter 2 I included in this rant as the same person we are talking about insists on complimenting SOME part of my attire every time we “go to the bathroom together” – but will never compliment or say anything regarding my outfit while we are in the office together crossing paths).
There are times though when I can grab the bathroom key, walk down the hallway & find the bathroom empty. It is heaven. Heaven only about 10% of the time. The other 90% is ruined by someone entering the bathroom seconds after I get inside my big, spacious Stall #2. Can you guess who decided to interrupt my bathroom time? The SAME person who likes to jump on the bathroom train as soon as I grab the key! I kid you not. I think she hears me or sees me as her cubicle is right by the door and decides to give me the hope of having a bathroom to myself for 2 minutes and then WHAM – tricked ya!
When that happens I awkwardly try to use the bathroom quickly & we always end up washing our hands at the same time. If I hear her say “How funny, we must be on the same bathroom schedule” one more time, I’magonnafreakthefuckout.
Basically when it comes down to it, I need my alone time in the bathroom without phones ringing, printers printing and people talking. I need serenity for 1-3 minutes. Me time.
In order to make this rant really hit home, I’m going to write it as the thoughts were going through my mind. Step by step. That way you’ll really get a grasp on my frustrations.
Hearing the clink of the bathroom key hit the bowl by the receptionists desk I hurriedly pop up from my chair and race to the front office in order to snag the key before someone else takes the key and decides to go on a 15 minute jaunt to who knows where with the key thus making me wait EVEN longer to use the loo.
I walk down the hallway & turn the key to the bathroom door. I cross my fingers that there isn’t anyone else in the bathroom as it is a 2 stall-er. (Editors note: I do not like to go to the bathroom when there is someone else in the stall next to me, UNLESS I am in a loud place like a theme park restroom or something similar).
I hear a toilet flush as I’m entering the bathroom. Shoot! But wait, look at the bright side of things, they just flushed; therefore they must be finished using the bathroom & will be leaving me to pee in private. A moment of joy overcomes me when I enter the stall (the smaller of the two which I hate even more than silent bathrooms – why not, if given the chance to use a larger stall, not capitalize on it and take it? If there is a handicapped – I mean – disabled person coming to use the bathroom I can guarantee a wait of 45 seconds is hardly traumatic for them) Right, back to the rant. So I’m elated for about 3 seconds when I suddenly realize the person just did a fake flush. They weren’t intending on leaving their cozy stall just yet. They wanted to be the quiet one next door making it all the more awkward.
Taking one of the toilet covers (aka razor thin piece of paper guaranteed to do nothing other than accumulate with the rest of the toilet paper, etc that gets flushed into our septic system) I gently place it over the toilet seat careful not to let it fall in. I plop down onto the seat, and wait. And wait. And wait. Nothing. Not a drop is coming out. I have to go pee that’s for sure.
As I mentioned earlier – I have a phobia. Don’t know why. It’s at this moment I wish Stall #2 would do another fake flush for me so I can mask my peeing sound with that of the 3.5 seconds of water swirling around the bowl. But does Stall #2 do that? No – they sit there with their checkered Keds tapping their feet being freakishly quiet. So now I’m thinking that they’re thinking “why the F won’t stall #1 just hurry up and go pee so I can finish my bidness!”
Realization of the day: I may not be the only one with a phobia but at this time I’m not giving a shit about Stall #2 (no pun intended). I have to pee. A few more seconds of award silence where I attempt to blow my nose (no snot, doesn’t work); fiddle with the toilet paper roll to make a bit of noise, STILL NOTHING. And then a trickle, barely enough to alleviate my full bladder. I’m not upset with myself or with my phobia – I’m upset with the person still being so F-ing quiet in the stall next to me. So now I start feeling uncomfortable and awkward.
How is that possible? I now feel like the intruder in the situation. But why the fake flush in the beginning? That just opened the flood gates of assumption that they were finished with their bathroom time. Realizing that I’m still sitting on the toilet having eeked out only a trickle of my morning coffee contemplating why the person in the stall next to me is also still on the toilet I decide to raise the white flag which in this case was a square of Quilted Northern and let myself bask in defeat. I quickly wrap up my business in the stall, head to the sink & wash my hands, and sulk all the way back into my office. Clink goes the key into the bowl for the next person’s bathroom adventure.
All this talk about bathrooms I realize I have more pet peeves related to bathrooms than I thought. A woman who works for the company down the hall (same office suite, just a separate portion) just waits in her cubicle until she hears me grabbing the bathroom key to decide “oh, you know what? I think I need to go to the bathroom too! I’ll come with you.” NO. NO. NO. NO. I can’t really tell her that although my mind is screaming it. So more often that I’d like, she comes to the bathroom with me.
I’m not a “come on girls, who needs to go the bathroom, let’s go together” type of woman. Bathroom time is my time. So every time she insists on coming with me, I want to hit her upside the head and give her my inner monologue manual. Chapter one: Kristen’s preference for alone time in the bathroom. Chapter two: Kristen’s dislike of obligatory compliments. (Chapter 2 I included in this rant as the same person we are talking about insists on complimenting SOME part of my attire every time we “go to the bathroom together” – but will never compliment or say anything regarding my outfit while we are in the office together crossing paths).
There are times though when I can grab the bathroom key, walk down the hallway & find the bathroom empty. It is heaven. Heaven only about 10% of the time. The other 90% is ruined by someone entering the bathroom seconds after I get inside my big, spacious Stall #2. Can you guess who decided to interrupt my bathroom time? The SAME person who likes to jump on the bathroom train as soon as I grab the key! I kid you not. I think she hears me or sees me as her cubicle is right by the door and decides to give me the hope of having a bathroom to myself for 2 minutes and then WHAM – tricked ya!
When that happens I awkwardly try to use the bathroom quickly & we always end up washing our hands at the same time. If I hear her say “How funny, we must be on the same bathroom schedule” one more time, I’magonnafreakthefuckout.
Basically when it comes down to it, I need my alone time in the bathroom without phones ringing, printers printing and people talking. I need serenity for 1-3 minutes. Me time.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Ramblings of a car....Christine??
What are the chances that I didn’t once get stuck in traffic on the drive to Universal City at 2:30 in the afternoon. That is just unheard of. But when you couple it with the idea that yesterday I left work at 6:03pm and was home on my couch by 6:15pm it becomes uncharacteristic. Was there a natural disaster in Los Angeles while I was on vacation that caused thousands of drivers to disappear from the roads or are we finally understanding the importance of alternate forms of transportation? (Cue the rolling of the eyes as I was just talking about being in my car driving to & fro my destinations).
But really….what gives? Traffic has become a part of me. I feel at home when I am surrounded by it. My little cocoon, my safety net. When I am not surrounded my hundreds of cars I feel naked. Vulnerable. Is that weird? I don’t really know how to explain it. Being surrounded by so many other individuals, all coming from somewhere and going somewhere. Most of the time alone. What do they think about? Are they listening to music? Talk radio? Are they looking forward to walking in their front door. Will they be walking in the door to the arms of children, loved ones, roommates, pets? I am always so curious to know about the people that share this path with me.
For a few weeks every single morning I would see the same 5-10 drivers on my way to work. Some days I would see all 10 of them, and some days only 5. We all must live within a few mile radius of eachother & like clockwork leave our homes at the exact same time each and every morning so that within 2-3 blocks we would be driving our same route. It is at times unfathomable to me. Are we just creatures of habit? Waking up and beginning our daily routine. Starting the car….on autopilot we drive to our places of business. To enjoy them? Perhaps not. But perhaps those few people that I saw every morning were ecstatic to be going to work. I want to be like them. If they even exist.
But really….what gives? Traffic has become a part of me. I feel at home when I am surrounded by it. My little cocoon, my safety net. When I am not surrounded my hundreds of cars I feel naked. Vulnerable. Is that weird? I don’t really know how to explain it. Being surrounded by so many other individuals, all coming from somewhere and going somewhere. Most of the time alone. What do they think about? Are they listening to music? Talk radio? Are they looking forward to walking in their front door. Will they be walking in the door to the arms of children, loved ones, roommates, pets? I am always so curious to know about the people that share this path with me.
For a few weeks every single morning I would see the same 5-10 drivers on my way to work. Some days I would see all 10 of them, and some days only 5. We all must live within a few mile radius of eachother & like clockwork leave our homes at the exact same time each and every morning so that within 2-3 blocks we would be driving our same route. It is at times unfathomable to me. Are we just creatures of habit? Waking up and beginning our daily routine. Starting the car….on autopilot we drive to our places of business. To enjoy them? Perhaps not. But perhaps those few people that I saw every morning were ecstatic to be going to work. I want to be like them. If they even exist.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I'll have the bug-infested breakfast please.
Bummer. You know when you are craving a certain food & go out of your way to obtain the said food? I do. Case in point: I went to the local market around the corner from my office to grab a few items I was craving. Today’s craving was The Laughing Cow: Light French Onion Spreadable Cheese. Being that I cannot eat cheese alone (well sure I can but spreadable cheese would prove to be a difficult task) – I set out to find a decent cracker to house said spreadable cheese.
I settled on ak-mak 100% whole wheat stone ground sesame crackers. I should preface that the market by my office is a small, locally owned market specializing in hard to find International foods. Never having tried these crackers before it was almost an adventure for my taste buds….just waiting to happen. I pick up a few other things at the market, and proceed back to my office where I will concoct a most delicious treat.
What I do next and my thoughts running through my mind may be considered by some a bit looney. Hey. Before you pass judgement, realize the severity of hunger pangs that surge through my body. I open up the box of ak-mak crackers, pull one out & see something on the cracker that resembles a bug. A dead bug, but a bug nonetheless. The crackers are covered in sesame seeds so at first I can’t be certain if it is indeed a bug or just a figment of my imagination. I pick up the bug, carefully bring it to eye level & determine that yes, this is indeed a dead bug on my cracker. I toss the bug into the garbage can and begin inspecting my cracker for more signs of bugs. See, this is where my mental state should be looked at. I didn’t automatically throw the bug-ridden cracker away. I was contemplating EATING the cracker that said bug had been hanging out on for who knows how long. I put the cracker back into the box & grab another cracker. This one has no bugs & I am highly tempted to open up one of my spreadable cheese wedges & get my grub on but then something catches my eye. Another bug. A whole clan of bugs actually. All dead. Some still in their cocoon like home. I have shivers just writing this. My ak-mak crackers were infested by some moths or what have you. Further examining my box of crackers I see that they are everywhere. Even on the exterior of the box I see remnants of bug carcasses. Why did I not see this before?
Now I am cracker-less and have yummy cheese staring up at me. I of course will go back to the market & let them know of the infested crackers. Question is though: do I get another box of crackers as a substitute? I can assume I just got a bad batch, but perhaps not. Oh the dilemma. I seriously have the heeby-geebies to think I actually considered eating the cracker after I picked off the dead bug. Gross-out to the max.
I settled on ak-mak 100% whole wheat stone ground sesame crackers. I should preface that the market by my office is a small, locally owned market specializing in hard to find International foods. Never having tried these crackers before it was almost an adventure for my taste buds….just waiting to happen. I pick up a few other things at the market, and proceed back to my office where I will concoct a most delicious treat.
What I do next and my thoughts running through my mind may be considered by some a bit looney. Hey. Before you pass judgement, realize the severity of hunger pangs that surge through my body. I open up the box of ak-mak crackers, pull one out & see something on the cracker that resembles a bug. A dead bug, but a bug nonetheless. The crackers are covered in sesame seeds so at first I can’t be certain if it is indeed a bug or just a figment of my imagination. I pick up the bug, carefully bring it to eye level & determine that yes, this is indeed a dead bug on my cracker. I toss the bug into the garbage can and begin inspecting my cracker for more signs of bugs. See, this is where my mental state should be looked at. I didn’t automatically throw the bug-ridden cracker away. I was contemplating EATING the cracker that said bug had been hanging out on for who knows how long. I put the cracker back into the box & grab another cracker. This one has no bugs & I am highly tempted to open up one of my spreadable cheese wedges & get my grub on but then something catches my eye. Another bug. A whole clan of bugs actually. All dead. Some still in their cocoon like home. I have shivers just writing this. My ak-mak crackers were infested by some moths or what have you. Further examining my box of crackers I see that they are everywhere. Even on the exterior of the box I see remnants of bug carcasses. Why did I not see this before?
Now I am cracker-less and have yummy cheese staring up at me. I of course will go back to the market & let them know of the infested crackers. Question is though: do I get another box of crackers as a substitute? I can assume I just got a bad batch, but perhaps not. Oh the dilemma. I seriously have the heeby-geebies to think I actually considered eating the cracker after I picked off the dead bug. Gross-out to the max.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A legal request, if you will.
Dear Mr. Fly,
I would like to state for the record that I in no way want to rid your kind of its existence….I merely would like to come to an agreement. A contract if you will. Let me explain why I would like such a binding agreement to occur.
After a few long, drawn-out hours at work I was able to sneak outside for a little bite to eat & what better a place to be than at the little Patisserie across the street from my office. Plenty of outdoor seating, umbrellas to keep my skin cancer-free & the occasional Celebrity sighting; I was determined to have a relaxing meal on my one-hour break. I ordered my Iced Caramel Latte (a rarity for me as I get too hopped up on caffeine) and a Turkey Avocado – Pain de mie & took my seat outside to watch the stressed out drivers speed up & down the Boulevard. My food arrived shortly thereafter & the sight of it was divine. I was salivating just looking at my tasty meal but before I could delve into my food you & your friend came along and trotted around my food almost as if you were ‘marking your territory’.
I understand that you too might be extremely hungry & have been waiting around for a similar lady like myself to sit down with her $15.00 meal – just so you can have yourself a taste or two. But, PLEASE – don’t flutter around on my food and contaminate it with whatever you pick up on your flights!! I shooed you away. I flitted you with my hand. I was about to whack you with my book but thought twice about that option as I was extremely hungry & didn’t want to risk damaging my food, nor did I want to cause any harm to you or your friend.
You didn’t get the hint, as you just kept coming back for more. Maybe you are one of those masochistic flies that enjoy pain & humiliation or perhaps you are one that loves a challenge. Either way…..it is ridiculously annoying to me to try & eat my food and every 5 seconds have to stop to shoo you away. No wonder they made a song about you. Shoo fly, don’t bother me! I even went to great lengths as to SET ASIDE some of my very own food FOR YOU. We can eat together, not a problem. You have your food on your end of the table, I’ll have mine on my end. Capeesh??
Even after my attempt at sharing, you were greedy & wanted MY food. Why Mr. Fly must you mock me & not accept my most gracious offer? Just take a gander at your cousins, the dragonflies, fireflies or butterflies. They do not insist on eating human food, why do you? They are perfectly capable of sustaining themselves on pollen & the like.
I like you, really I do. You have long been a part of literature & mythology; you even help our forensic scientists in determining the time of death! That’s amazing. And when Bee’s began to take all of the credit for pollinating our flowers, etc…you just went right ahead and began to pollinate Japanese sunflowers in greenhouses. I salute you for your valiant efforts but I now bring you back to my original request.
Do not eat my food. Do not fly around me while I am trying to eat my food. A basic request really. So please consult your legal team & get back to me ASAP as I would like to have a contractual agreement under way rather soon.
Sincerely,
A bugged individual in L.A.
I would like to state for the record that I in no way want to rid your kind of its existence….I merely would like to come to an agreement. A contract if you will. Let me explain why I would like such a binding agreement to occur.
After a few long, drawn-out hours at work I was able to sneak outside for a little bite to eat & what better a place to be than at the little Patisserie across the street from my office. Plenty of outdoor seating, umbrellas to keep my skin cancer-free & the occasional Celebrity sighting; I was determined to have a relaxing meal on my one-hour break. I ordered my Iced Caramel Latte (a rarity for me as I get too hopped up on caffeine) and a Turkey Avocado – Pain de mie & took my seat outside to watch the stressed out drivers speed up & down the Boulevard. My food arrived shortly thereafter & the sight of it was divine. I was salivating just looking at my tasty meal but before I could delve into my food you & your friend came along and trotted around my food almost as if you were ‘marking your territory’.
I understand that you too might be extremely hungry & have been waiting around for a similar lady like myself to sit down with her $15.00 meal – just so you can have yourself a taste or two. But, PLEASE – don’t flutter around on my food and contaminate it with whatever you pick up on your flights!! I shooed you away. I flitted you with my hand. I was about to whack you with my book but thought twice about that option as I was extremely hungry & didn’t want to risk damaging my food, nor did I want to cause any harm to you or your friend.
You didn’t get the hint, as you just kept coming back for more. Maybe you are one of those masochistic flies that enjoy pain & humiliation or perhaps you are one that loves a challenge. Either way…..it is ridiculously annoying to me to try & eat my food and every 5 seconds have to stop to shoo you away. No wonder they made a song about you. Shoo fly, don’t bother me! I even went to great lengths as to SET ASIDE some of my very own food FOR YOU. We can eat together, not a problem. You have your food on your end of the table, I’ll have mine on my end. Capeesh??
Even after my attempt at sharing, you were greedy & wanted MY food. Why Mr. Fly must you mock me & not accept my most gracious offer? Just take a gander at your cousins, the dragonflies, fireflies or butterflies. They do not insist on eating human food, why do you? They are perfectly capable of sustaining themselves on pollen & the like.
I like you, really I do. You have long been a part of literature & mythology; you even help our forensic scientists in determining the time of death! That’s amazing. And when Bee’s began to take all of the credit for pollinating our flowers, etc…you just went right ahead and began to pollinate Japanese sunflowers in greenhouses. I salute you for your valiant efforts but I now bring you back to my original request.
Do not eat my food. Do not fly around me while I am trying to eat my food. A basic request really. So please consult your legal team & get back to me ASAP as I would like to have a contractual agreement under way rather soon.
Sincerely,
A bugged individual in L.A.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Random A-Z.
A is for Admiration
B is for Bulgaria
C is for Christmas
D is for Dangerous
E is for Everything
F is for Finals
G is for Greatness
H is for Hallelujah
I is for Intense
J is for Jameson
K is for Kooky
L is for Lame
M is for More
N is for Neanderthals
O is for Openness
P is for Purity
Q is for Quirky
R is for Ridiculous
S is for Salt
T is for Trust
U is for Upper
V is for Victory
W is for Wonderful
X is for Xanthiums
Y is for Yellow
Z is for Zombies
B is for Bulgaria
C is for Christmas
D is for Dangerous
E is for Everything
F is for Finals
G is for Greatness
H is for Hallelujah
I is for Intense
J is for Jameson
K is for Kooky
L is for Lame
M is for More
N is for Neanderthals
O is for Openness
P is for Purity
Q is for Quirky
R is for Ridiculous
S is for Salt
T is for Trust
U is for Upper
V is for Victory
W is for Wonderful
X is for Xanthiums
Y is for Yellow
Z is for Zombies
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A truly blessed day!!
Today is my birthday. My 28th! I am never big on celebrations for myself but will party till the cows come home for others. Don’t get me wrong….I love being the center of attention. But it’s more so that I love being the center of attention around complete strangers. When I am with friends I love to nurture & take care of them and rarely feel comfortable when the roles are reversed. Not to say I don’t appreciate the TLC, I just prefer it the other way around.
Which brings me to today. I was hesitant to make any plans for my birthday because when it comes down to it, it’s just another day. More than likely I will be calling my mom & dad on my birthday to thank them for supporting and giving me love the past 27 years. But, the amount of love I have received today from friends & family almost brings tears to my eyes. From phone calls to text-messages, e-mails, Facebook messages, morning cupcakes, surprise flowers, chocolate strawberries SHAPED like flowers, an amazing lunch, dessert, cards, well wishes, etc….(and the day isn’t over!!) all of you have gone far & beyond what I even thought was possible.
I seriously cannot even begin to explain how many of you have touched my life. I may have known you for a day, a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20+ years…you all have made an impact on my life and for that I am forever grateful!!
I will see some of you today and some of you I won’t see but once a year and both are wonderful! A second I can spend with a friend who loves and cares about me is a second no one can take away. I will always have that moment. So to everyone who has made the first day of my 28th year a truly blessed day, I love you & can’t wait for what lies ahead.
Always and forever.
-Kristen
Which brings me to today. I was hesitant to make any plans for my birthday because when it comes down to it, it’s just another day. More than likely I will be calling my mom & dad on my birthday to thank them for supporting and giving me love the past 27 years. But, the amount of love I have received today from friends & family almost brings tears to my eyes. From phone calls to text-messages, e-mails, Facebook messages, morning cupcakes, surprise flowers, chocolate strawberries SHAPED like flowers, an amazing lunch, dessert, cards, well wishes, etc….(and the day isn’t over!!) all of you have gone far & beyond what I even thought was possible.
I seriously cannot even begin to explain how many of you have touched my life. I may have known you for a day, a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20+ years…you all have made an impact on my life and for that I am forever grateful!!
I will see some of you today and some of you I won’t see but once a year and both are wonderful! A second I can spend with a friend who loves and cares about me is a second no one can take away. I will always have that moment. So to everyone who has made the first day of my 28th year a truly blessed day, I love you & can’t wait for what lies ahead.
Always and forever.
-Kristen
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The beginnings of a poem perhaps??
Don’t look at me that way, I know what’s behind your eyes.
Your dirty little secrets, and nasty little lies.
You’re asking for forgiveness, to wash away your sins.
I can’t bring myself to do it for this is a battle I can finally win.
Your dirty little secrets, and nasty little lies.
You’re asking for forgiveness, to wash away your sins.
I can’t bring myself to do it for this is a battle I can finally win.
Rad Red.....Really Random Read
So I just named my Blackberry. It was about time I gave her a name. I mean, it’s a phone and all but now if I can’t find it I can just say, Hey, anyone know where Rad Red is? & they’ll instantly know I am talking about my phone. I suppose I could say “Anyone know where my phone is?” But then people wouldn’t know what phone they would be looking for. At least with Rad Red they know it A. Must be Rad and B. Must be Red. So easy.
Monday, June 8, 2009
I thought this happened only in movies.....
I seriously can pick out the winners in a crowd. Yes, I’m being quite facetious. The other day I went bowling with one of my friends, Matt. We were having a grand ol’ time playing each other in air hockey, basketball, dance dance revolution (which I kick butt in I will add) until our names were called for our lane.
Whilst playing the arcade games I kept on noticing an attractive guy keep glancing over at me. We kept making eye contact throughout the evening & when I made a trip to the bar, he stopped me & began chit-chatting. It was a short lived conversation as I wanted to get my beer & head back to bowling but in the minute or two that we spoke he babbled on about how he thought I was ‘so gorgeous & sexy’ and how ‘he would love to take me out to dinner’, etc etc. I was flattered as I found him attractive as well but wasn’t yet going to be giving out my digits.
An hour or so passed & I went back to the bar to grab Matt & I another round of beers. Yet again this guy “Tim” stops me & insists I get his number or him mine as he really really wants to take me out to dinner &/or drinks. By this time I was thinking, OK, he’s definitely persistent & seems interested so, why not. We exchanged numbers & he mentioned he would text me “something sweet & cute” right away so I wouldn’t forget who he was. Hello! It’s not like I give my number out to just any random, of course I wouldn’t forget who he was as he was a persistent one from the bowling alley. The texts that were sent back & forth are as follows.
Tim : Where’s my cute bowler?
Me : Still working on my game.
Tim : See, I told you I’d sent a cute text.
Me : I don’t know if that constitutes as a cute text but thank you anyhow.
Tim : Well I’d really like to take you out to dinner this week. Do you like sushi?
Me : Why yes I do like sushi, when are you thinking?
Tim : You tell me when, I’ll tell you where.
Me : I’m free Thursday, you?
And then no more texts the rest of the night.
Turn the page to 11:15 the next morning. I’m finishing up some laundry & I hear my phone ringing. Looking to see who it is, I see it’s “Tim Bowling” calling. Wow, he really is persistent. I pick up the phone & here is the convo: (Warning, might be the funniest/awkward/amazing convo ever)…
Tim: Kristen!!
Me : Hey Tim
Tim : See, I told you I’d call.
Me : You’re right, I didn’t expect a phone call so soon though.
Tim : Well I wanted to talk to you but also I think I left my hat.
Me : Umm…you think you left your hat? Where?
Tim : In your bedroom silly, where else.
Me : Well unless the bowling alley was magically transformed into my bedroom, which it wasn’t, I have no idea where you left your hat.
Tim : Ha ha, you’re funny. You’re joking right? Remember last night I was standing in your room naked wearing only my hat & you were giggling?
Me : Ummm Tim? I think you have the wrong Kristen because you were never in my room. Really. You were never even in my house as I last saw you at the bowling alley.
Tim : Oh Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I am so sorry, Oh. My. God. Fuck.
Click……
Pretty much the most awesome conversation I’ve ever witnessed. He must’ve been scamming quite a few girls at the bowling alley & he went home with one of them. After the fact she was probably saying “So you’re going to call right?” & him being all, “yes I’ll call I promise, I have your number in my phone”. Fast forward to a few hours later when he thinks he’s calling “the girl he went home with” and voila, here I am an innocent bystander in a sleaze-ball love triangle. The unknown question that will remain unanswered is, ‘Did he actually meet two girls named Kristen & saved them in his phone & mixed them up’ or Good times in the city. I want my girlfriend to call his number from her phone in a week & say “Tim, you haven’t called and you said you would. I thought we had something special. I still have your hat too”. What I would give to be a fly on the wall on the receiving end of the phone call.
Lesson learned. I’m glad I found out very early on what a major douchebag this guy was.
Whilst playing the arcade games I kept on noticing an attractive guy keep glancing over at me. We kept making eye contact throughout the evening & when I made a trip to the bar, he stopped me & began chit-chatting. It was a short lived conversation as I wanted to get my beer & head back to bowling but in the minute or two that we spoke he babbled on about how he thought I was ‘so gorgeous & sexy’ and how ‘he would love to take me out to dinner’, etc etc. I was flattered as I found him attractive as well but wasn’t yet going to be giving out my digits.
An hour or so passed & I went back to the bar to grab Matt & I another round of beers. Yet again this guy “Tim” stops me & insists I get his number or him mine as he really really wants to take me out to dinner &/or drinks. By this time I was thinking, OK, he’s definitely persistent & seems interested so, why not. We exchanged numbers & he mentioned he would text me “something sweet & cute” right away so I wouldn’t forget who he was. Hello! It’s not like I give my number out to just any random, of course I wouldn’t forget who he was as he was a persistent one from the bowling alley. The texts that were sent back & forth are as follows.
Tim : Where’s my cute bowler?
Me : Still working on my game.
Tim : See, I told you I’d sent a cute text.
Me : I don’t know if that constitutes as a cute text but thank you anyhow.
Tim : Well I’d really like to take you out to dinner this week. Do you like sushi?
Me : Why yes I do like sushi, when are you thinking?
Tim : You tell me when, I’ll tell you where.
Me : I’m free Thursday, you?
And then no more texts the rest of the night.
Turn the page to 11:15 the next morning. I’m finishing up some laundry & I hear my phone ringing. Looking to see who it is, I see it’s “Tim Bowling” calling. Wow, he really is persistent. I pick up the phone & here is the convo: (Warning, might be the funniest/awkward/amazing convo ever)…
Tim: Kristen!!
Me : Hey Tim
Tim : See, I told you I’d call.
Me : You’re right, I didn’t expect a phone call so soon though.
Tim : Well I wanted to talk to you but also I think I left my hat.
Me : Umm…you think you left your hat? Where?
Tim : In your bedroom silly, where else.
Me : Well unless the bowling alley was magically transformed into my bedroom, which it wasn’t, I have no idea where you left your hat.
Tim : Ha ha, you’re funny. You’re joking right? Remember last night I was standing in your room naked wearing only my hat & you were giggling?
Me : Ummm Tim? I think you have the wrong Kristen because you were never in my room. Really. You were never even in my house as I last saw you at the bowling alley.
Tim : Oh Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I am so sorry, Oh. My. God. Fuck.
Click……
Pretty much the most awesome conversation I’ve ever witnessed. He must’ve been scamming quite a few girls at the bowling alley & he went home with one of them. After the fact she was probably saying “So you’re going to call right?” & him being all, “yes I’ll call I promise, I have your number in my phone”. Fast forward to a few hours later when he thinks he’s calling “the girl he went home with” and voila, here I am an innocent bystander in a sleaze-ball love triangle. The unknown question that will remain unanswered is, ‘Did he actually meet two girls named Kristen & saved them in his phone & mixed them up’ or Good times in the city. I want my girlfriend to call his number from her phone in a week & say “Tim, you haven’t called and you said you would. I thought we had something special. I still have your hat too”. What I would give to be a fly on the wall on the receiving end of the phone call.
Lesson learned. I’m glad I found out very early on what a major douchebag this guy was.
Am I in Heaven??
Or is this a dream? This can’t be real, can it? A restaurant that was serving a 3-course meal and wine pairing? Get this, the main ingredient being DOUGHNUTS. Yes, doughnuts. Doughnuts that would make Homer Simpson proud. The doughnut tasting/wine pairing was at Grace restaurant in Los Angeles & I guess pastry chef Maria Swan is a doughnut connoisseur. Who knew doughnuts could be even more delicious than they already are? Well, serve them with amazing ice cream & a tasting of wine perfectly paired to bring out the flavors in both & you my friend will have one heck of a yummy meal.
The first course was a ‘salted caramel covered doughnut served with roasted pecan ice cream & fresh strawberries’ and the wine pairing was a Prosecco which is similar to a champagne but very dry, slightly acidic and crisp.
The second course was a ‘pistachio chocolate buttercream filled doughnut rolled in sugar & served with French vanilla ice cream& paired with a tawny port wine. The wine alone has such a high alcoholic scent it almost burns your nose but after a bite of the doughnut & a sip of the wine, it was clear to me that this Maria Swan knows her doughnuts and wine. The miraculous thing was I enjoyed this second doughnut and wine pairing better as a duo as the flavors of the food and the wine were magnified together but alone would be yummy, just not amazing.
The third course was a ‘buttermilk spiced rum glazed donut’ & was paired with a slightly sweet white dessert wine. It too was quite tasty but was my least favorite. Flavors of doughnut I LOVED the first course but wasn’t a huge fan of the prosecco. The port wine & the second course was let me say again, spectacular.
The whole experience was marvelous. I think I uttered the words, “Oh my gosh” at least two dozen times throughout the evening. I’m not sure if the doughnut tasting/pairing is offered daily as I believe it was a special tribute to National Doughnut Day which was June 5th but I do know Maria Swan (the pastry chef) does make different kinds of desserts, amazing doughnuts included.
The first course was a ‘salted caramel covered doughnut served with roasted pecan ice cream & fresh strawberries’ and the wine pairing was a Prosecco which is similar to a champagne but very dry, slightly acidic and crisp.
The second course was a ‘pistachio chocolate buttercream filled doughnut rolled in sugar & served with French vanilla ice cream& paired with a tawny port wine. The wine alone has such a high alcoholic scent it almost burns your nose but after a bite of the doughnut & a sip of the wine, it was clear to me that this Maria Swan knows her doughnuts and wine. The miraculous thing was I enjoyed this second doughnut and wine pairing better as a duo as the flavors of the food and the wine were magnified together but alone would be yummy, just not amazing.
The third course was a ‘buttermilk spiced rum glazed donut’ & was paired with a slightly sweet white dessert wine. It too was quite tasty but was my least favorite. Flavors of doughnut I LOVED the first course but wasn’t a huge fan of the prosecco. The port wine & the second course was let me say again, spectacular.
The whole experience was marvelous. I think I uttered the words, “Oh my gosh” at least two dozen times throughout the evening. I’m not sure if the doughnut tasting/pairing is offered daily as I believe it was a special tribute to National Doughnut Day which was June 5th but I do know Maria Swan (the pastry chef) does make different kinds of desserts, amazing doughnuts included.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The A's-Z's of Friday the 5th.
A is for Asbestos. Because I like saying the word Asbestos and because I can actually spell it.
B is for Baller. Because that’s what I am. Or so I think.
C is for Copy-cat. Because sometimes mimicking someone else is just a bundle of fun wrapped up in raffia.
D is for Delirious. Because that’s what I am 95% of the time.
E is for Ecstatic. Because that’s what I’d be if I weren’t here at work not actually working.
F is for Frank. Not sure if I mean Frank as in a person or Frank as in a ball (ball frank hot dogs). Perhaps both.
G is for Globs. Because pretty much any sort of glob is nothing short of amazing.
H is for Hilarious. Because if things in life can’t be hilarious, life would be a dull and boring place.
I is for Igloo. Because for once in my life I would like to build myself an igloo and sleep in it for one night. But just one night.
J is for Juxtapose. Because I actually don’t know exactly what the definition of juxtapose is but I can assure you I’d like it either way.
K is for Karaoke. Because that’s who I am.
L is for Lame. Because I’d rather be outside relaxing under an oak tree than here in a lame office.
M is for Meteor. Because meteors come from outer space. I think?
N is for Neanderthal. Because that’s who I am at times.
O is for Ostrich. Because the freaking birds weigh 300 pounds, can run up to 70km/h and are just odd looking.
P is for Pretentious. Because I live in Los Angeles and it is hard to find folks who aren’t pretentious.
Q is for Quirky. Because I’ve been called it before & am very proud of the fact.
R is for Retirement. Because I don’t think there is a specific age where a person should/could retire.
S is for Sleepiness. Because I’d do anything to go back to Preschool where we had mandatory nap times.
T is for True. Because being True to yourself & to others is the most important part of life.
U is for Unicycle. Because I have always wanted to learn how to ride one.
V is for Vanilla. Because I’m on a vanilla kick. Candles, body washes, perfumes, etc.
W is for Watermelons. Because I love to eat watermelons, especially if it involves a summer day in the park complete with a seed-spitting contest.
X is for Xylophone. Because who doesn’t enjoy a xylophone & also, how many other x words are out there?
Y is for Yellow. Because yellow might be the most sunshiny, splendidly happy color ever!
Z is for Zombies. Because secretly I would love to meet a zombie.
B is for Baller. Because that’s what I am. Or so I think.
C is for Copy-cat. Because sometimes mimicking someone else is just a bundle of fun wrapped up in raffia.
D is for Delirious. Because that’s what I am 95% of the time.
E is for Ecstatic. Because that’s what I’d be if I weren’t here at work not actually working.
F is for Frank. Not sure if I mean Frank as in a person or Frank as in a ball (ball frank hot dogs). Perhaps both.
G is for Globs. Because pretty much any sort of glob is nothing short of amazing.
H is for Hilarious. Because if things in life can’t be hilarious, life would be a dull and boring place.
I is for Igloo. Because for once in my life I would like to build myself an igloo and sleep in it for one night. But just one night.
J is for Juxtapose. Because I actually don’t know exactly what the definition of juxtapose is but I can assure you I’d like it either way.
K is for Karaoke. Because that’s who I am.
L is for Lame. Because I’d rather be outside relaxing under an oak tree than here in a lame office.
M is for Meteor. Because meteors come from outer space. I think?
N is for Neanderthal. Because that’s who I am at times.
O is for Ostrich. Because the freaking birds weigh 300 pounds, can run up to 70km/h and are just odd looking.
P is for Pretentious. Because I live in Los Angeles and it is hard to find folks who aren’t pretentious.
Q is for Quirky. Because I’ve been called it before & am very proud of the fact.
R is for Retirement. Because I don’t think there is a specific age where a person should/could retire.
S is for Sleepiness. Because I’d do anything to go back to Preschool where we had mandatory nap times.
T is for True. Because being True to yourself & to others is the most important part of life.
U is for Unicycle. Because I have always wanted to learn how to ride one.
V is for Vanilla. Because I’m on a vanilla kick. Candles, body washes, perfumes, etc.
W is for Watermelons. Because I love to eat watermelons, especially if it involves a summer day in the park complete with a seed-spitting contest.
X is for Xylophone. Because who doesn’t enjoy a xylophone & also, how many other x words are out there?
Y is for Yellow. Because yellow might be the most sunshiny, splendidly happy color ever!
Z is for Zombies. Because secretly I would love to meet a zombie.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
A moment to vent may I?
A guy walks into an office building. Into our suite actually. Immediately upon walking into the office his cell phone rings. Quite an obnoxious ring tone I might add. “I actually have a phone call”….he said. Duh! Of course you have to take a phone call because you’re Mr. Awesome and can’t give the respect to those around you to keep your freaking phone on silent when entering an office/business meeting. Why don’t you just “ignore button” the guy/girl on the other end & show some respect.
And now he’s asking for a soda when the front desk receptionist offered him water, coffee or tea. We even have juices such as coconut water, cashew juice, coffee berry juice, you know, those weird organic healthy drinks that taste like ass. I’m siding with him ‘in a way’ because I would prefer a soda over these funky tasting/healthy drinks BUT still, we aren’t Starbucks or Albertsons or some kitschy market you’re used to frequenting. It’s a small office; we have healthy Cliff Bars for snacks and weird juices. Get over yourself.
What a nice little afternoon vent will do to the mind/body~
And now he’s asking for a soda when the front desk receptionist offered him water, coffee or tea. We even have juices such as coconut water, cashew juice, coffee berry juice, you know, those weird organic healthy drinks that taste like ass. I’m siding with him ‘in a way’ because I would prefer a soda over these funky tasting/healthy drinks BUT still, we aren’t Starbucks or Albertsons or some kitschy market you’re used to frequenting. It’s a small office; we have healthy Cliff Bars for snacks and weird juices. Get over yourself.
What a nice little afternoon vent will do to the mind/body~
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Ahh...Finally, Day 9 has arrived.
Day 5 of the actual cleanse.
I get to eat food today! I’m supposed to ‘ease’ back into eating foods & keep it simple so my body can begin digesting & processing things w/o too much trouble/confusion. Last night about 11pm I was looking through my cabinets wondering what I was going to eat in the morning for breakfast. I was supposed to eat one organic apple, chewed slowly & thoroughly. Upon waking up I wasn’t all that hungry. But the thought of eating food again and actually chewing was too tempting. I ended up having a few pretzels with hummus. Oh my gosh have I ever tasted such glorious food in my life. I have been extremely disciplined this entire cleanse & decided to take it upon myself to walk down to the bagel shop & order myself a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter & jelly. No, it’s not healthy in the slightest & is exactly the opposite of what I am supposed to be eating. But let me tell you, I don’t care if my stomach curdles up in pain for the next day while trying to process the bagel, it was all worth it.
Did I learn anything while on this cleanse? Sure. I learned a shit-load. (pun intended). During the pre-cleanse I thought it was insanely difficult to find non-processed foods, etc but that was because I wasn’t looking in the right places. I was looking where I normally eat. But upon looking ‘outside the box’ I realized it is not difficult at all, it just takes loads of determination to stick with it. As the healthy eating routine becomes regular, it wouldn’t require a lot of determination but in the beginning I can guarantee it’d be tough. I guess me eating a PB&J Bagel this morning did not get me off to a great start. Tough cookies. I am committed to becoming more aware of the foods that I eat and the effects they have on my body. My starchy bagel I ate is making me slightly sleepy. Mmm….interesting. We’ll see if I have my mid-afternoon slump that I normally had before the cleanse. Back to work.
I get to eat food today! I’m supposed to ‘ease’ back into eating foods & keep it simple so my body can begin digesting & processing things w/o too much trouble/confusion. Last night about 11pm I was looking through my cabinets wondering what I was going to eat in the morning for breakfast. I was supposed to eat one organic apple, chewed slowly & thoroughly. Upon waking up I wasn’t all that hungry. But the thought of eating food again and actually chewing was too tempting. I ended up having a few pretzels with hummus. Oh my gosh have I ever tasted such glorious food in my life. I have been extremely disciplined this entire cleanse & decided to take it upon myself to walk down to the bagel shop & order myself a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter & jelly. No, it’s not healthy in the slightest & is exactly the opposite of what I am supposed to be eating. But let me tell you, I don’t care if my stomach curdles up in pain for the next day while trying to process the bagel, it was all worth it.
Did I learn anything while on this cleanse? Sure. I learned a shit-load. (pun intended). During the pre-cleanse I thought it was insanely difficult to find non-processed foods, etc but that was because I wasn’t looking in the right places. I was looking where I normally eat. But upon looking ‘outside the box’ I realized it is not difficult at all, it just takes loads of determination to stick with it. As the healthy eating routine becomes regular, it wouldn’t require a lot of determination but in the beginning I can guarantee it’d be tough. I guess me eating a PB&J Bagel this morning did not get me off to a great start. Tough cookies. I am committed to becoming more aware of the foods that I eat and the effects they have on my body. My starchy bagel I ate is making me slightly sleepy. Mmm….interesting. We’ll see if I have my mid-afternoon slump that I normally had before the cleanse. Back to work.
Is there a Dream-Reader in the House??
I had a weird dream last night.
I was dating *, my friend who lives in *. We were perfect together. We went camping with a bunch of friends and I became extremely exhausted so I went back to the house to get some rest. I couldn’t get *’s attention so I wrote him a note giving him all of the details of why & left & where I was heading. I get back to the house where at least a dozen people are staying & I picked a room to lie down in. I must’ve fallen asleep as the next thing I recall is being woken up in a rush. All around me chaos ensued, but I didn’t understand why. Then a few of my friends told me that when they left the communal hang-out area which I left earlier, no one remembered where I went or bothered to look at the note I left telling them my whereabouts. They then began to tell me that * had brought back our dog with them but had taken off to go search for me. In a frantic rush I left the house trying to go find *. Scouring the mountainside I see him walking along this narrow ridge. I try calling out his name but he is so far away & can't hear me. Suddenly he slips and begins to fall, but catches himself on a lower ledge. My heart was beating so fast & I couldn’t do anything to help him. As he was hanging there the ledge gave way & he began to fall deeper & deeper into the ravine. At the very last moment he managed to grab a hold of some plant life that began tearing from the rock as well. Such agony was surging through my body as he was hanging on to his life I couldn’t bare it. The screams that exuded from my body were so sad and painful. I can’t recall how he was saved but I remember running up to him with tears in my eyes kissing & hugging him. To think * would have been out of my life forever saddened me to no end. My dream them skipped to another scene but still in the mountains. I was with my mother. We were walking towards this restaurant for lunch and it was right along another ravine. As we got closer I looked to my right & saw a ginormous bridge going across the ravine. There was no way I was going to walk on that or even get near that bridge. My heart began to race and I started having shortness of breath. I don’t like heights I kept on telling my mom. But we continued walking towards the restaurant. The dirt road began to get smaller and narrower, which only added to the level of my anxiety. The mountain began to curve & upon coming around the bend the road was now small. Very small. The road now did not have anything to the right, just a sheer drop-off into an deadly abyss. I couldn’t walk slowly enough or carefully enough. I thought one wrong step & I would slip & fall to my doom. We finally arrived at our lunch destination which was a small tent-like thing on the actual road. When we sat down & began to eat I finally started relaxing. My heart beat lessened, the sweat quickly dried from my brow, I began to enjoy myself and the company of those around me. All good things come to an end right? The whole tent began to tilt this way and that, but very slowly at first so no one was believing me when I began to freak out. I became the crazy woman petrified of falling off the cliff into the ravine. It got so bad that I managed to get out & start running away from the tent. I didn’t look back. And then my mom was at the top of the mountain when I got there. She was leaving to the airport, flying somewhere. I kept trying to have a conversation with her but for some reason I couldn’t speak. No words were coming out. I wanted to tell her how frightened I was & that all I wanted was some reassurance. She left. And I was left there standing, alone.
Then I woke up.
I was dating *, my friend who lives in *. We were perfect together. We went camping with a bunch of friends and I became extremely exhausted so I went back to the house to get some rest. I couldn’t get *’s attention so I wrote him a note giving him all of the details of why & left & where I was heading. I get back to the house where at least a dozen people are staying & I picked a room to lie down in. I must’ve fallen asleep as the next thing I recall is being woken up in a rush. All around me chaos ensued, but I didn’t understand why. Then a few of my friends told me that when they left the communal hang-out area which I left earlier, no one remembered where I went or bothered to look at the note I left telling them my whereabouts. They then began to tell me that * had brought back our dog with them but had taken off to go search for me. In a frantic rush I left the house trying to go find *. Scouring the mountainside I see him walking along this narrow ridge. I try calling out his name but he is so far away & can't hear me. Suddenly he slips and begins to fall, but catches himself on a lower ledge. My heart was beating so fast & I couldn’t do anything to help him. As he was hanging there the ledge gave way & he began to fall deeper & deeper into the ravine. At the very last moment he managed to grab a hold of some plant life that began tearing from the rock as well. Such agony was surging through my body as he was hanging on to his life I couldn’t bare it. The screams that exuded from my body were so sad and painful. I can’t recall how he was saved but I remember running up to him with tears in my eyes kissing & hugging him. To think * would have been out of my life forever saddened me to no end. My dream them skipped to another scene but still in the mountains. I was with my mother. We were walking towards this restaurant for lunch and it was right along another ravine. As we got closer I looked to my right & saw a ginormous bridge going across the ravine. There was no way I was going to walk on that or even get near that bridge. My heart began to race and I started having shortness of breath. I don’t like heights I kept on telling my mom. But we continued walking towards the restaurant. The dirt road began to get smaller and narrower, which only added to the level of my anxiety. The mountain began to curve & upon coming around the bend the road was now small. Very small. The road now did not have anything to the right, just a sheer drop-off into an deadly abyss. I couldn’t walk slowly enough or carefully enough. I thought one wrong step & I would slip & fall to my doom. We finally arrived at our lunch destination which was a small tent-like thing on the actual road. When we sat down & began to eat I finally started relaxing. My heart beat lessened, the sweat quickly dried from my brow, I began to enjoy myself and the company of those around me. All good things come to an end right? The whole tent began to tilt this way and that, but very slowly at first so no one was believing me when I began to freak out. I became the crazy woman petrified of falling off the cliff into the ravine. It got so bad that I managed to get out & start running away from the tent. I didn’t look back. And then my mom was at the top of the mountain when I got there. She was leaving to the airport, flying somewhere. I kept trying to have a conversation with her but for some reason I couldn’t speak. No words were coming out. I wanted to tell her how frightened I was & that all I wanted was some reassurance. She left. And I was left there standing, alone.
Then I woke up.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Day 8...Continued
Day 4 of actual cleanse…Part Two
Okay so I’m in a much better mood now than when I wrote my last entry. I must have been in a funk all morning. I could do this for a couple more days….but I won’t. That's it I just wanted to share.
Day 8: The Home Stretch!!!
Day 5 of the actual ‘cleanse’:
I’m somewhat speechless as to how I have felt over the last few days. Friday was Day 2 of the cleanse where I was on a liquids-only fast and I felt great. I was a bit nervous for the weekend as I had to work at my restaurant job for Days 3 & 4 serving burgers and fries & didn’t know if I would be tempted to eat any of them while I was there. Quite the contrary actually. Although the food I was serving ‘looked good’ I didn’t feel the slightest inkling to consume any of it.
The energy. Did I talk about the amount of energy I had over the weekend? Not to say I actually capitalized on this energy but I did continually keep busy and never once had a ‘tired moment’. A few times I was almost too giddy & began to wonder…what exactly is IN this herbal cleanse.
I had a case of ‘acne’ that sprouted but I’m not sure if this was due to the cleanse or just random hormones fluttering about my body. I did notice the whites of my eyes are SUPER bright. Maybe it is because all of the ‘toxins’ are leaving my body??
Now it is Monday, the final day of the liquids-only fast & I can’t even begin to tell you how badly I want something to eat. Not because I feel hungry because it’s quite the opposite. I feel full. Too full. I am just really sick of drinking the TA’s as the flavor is becoming unbearable. I have only 2 more to go. Sounds like nothing but they are starting to make me gag & that’s not good. Maybe I’m just too excited about eating real food again that any other flavors that DO NOT resemble actual food are sickening to me. Am I venting? I heard a bitch side might come out while on the cleanse, I guess this is it.
Tomorrow morning I am supposed to ‘ease’ back into eating solid foods. I know that I should follow the instructions & eat my one organic apple, chewed thoroughly but I really want is to dive into a big pile of flapjacks and hashbrowns at IHOP. My stomach will probably combust if I tried to eat all of that food but that’s what I’m craving right now. I’m totally bitching right now but in all honesty, I have surprisingly enjoyed this whole experience. (I know it’s not over yet, I still have to get through tonight) but I would totally recommend this herbal cleanse to anyone.
Tomorrow is the final day & it can’t come too soon.
I’m somewhat speechless as to how I have felt over the last few days. Friday was Day 2 of the cleanse where I was on a liquids-only fast and I felt great. I was a bit nervous for the weekend as I had to work at my restaurant job for Days 3 & 4 serving burgers and fries & didn’t know if I would be tempted to eat any of them while I was there. Quite the contrary actually. Although the food I was serving ‘looked good’ I didn’t feel the slightest inkling to consume any of it.
The energy. Did I talk about the amount of energy I had over the weekend? Not to say I actually capitalized on this energy but I did continually keep busy and never once had a ‘tired moment’. A few times I was almost too giddy & began to wonder…what exactly is IN this herbal cleanse.
I had a case of ‘acne’ that sprouted but I’m not sure if this was due to the cleanse or just random hormones fluttering about my body. I did notice the whites of my eyes are SUPER bright. Maybe it is because all of the ‘toxins’ are leaving my body??
Now it is Monday, the final day of the liquids-only fast & I can’t even begin to tell you how badly I want something to eat. Not because I feel hungry because it’s quite the opposite. I feel full. Too full. I am just really sick of drinking the TA’s as the flavor is becoming unbearable. I have only 2 more to go. Sounds like nothing but they are starting to make me gag & that’s not good. Maybe I’m just too excited about eating real food again that any other flavors that DO NOT resemble actual food are sickening to me. Am I venting? I heard a bitch side might come out while on the cleanse, I guess this is it.
Tomorrow morning I am supposed to ‘ease’ back into eating solid foods. I know that I should follow the instructions & eat my one organic apple, chewed thoroughly but I really want is to dive into a big pile of flapjacks and hashbrowns at IHOP. My stomach will probably combust if I tried to eat all of that food but that’s what I’m craving right now. I’m totally bitching right now but in all honesty, I have surprisingly enjoyed this whole experience. (I know it’s not over yet, I still have to get through tonight) but I would totally recommend this herbal cleanse to anyone.
Tomorrow is the final day & it can’t come too soon.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Day 5: Movin right along....Sort of.
Day 2 of the actual ‘cleanse’:
If today wasn’t a test of will-power (or mental power for that matter), I don’t know what is. Let me just say this…I have come to the realization that I’m a ‘bored-eater’. I eat when I’m bored. I don’t consider myself easily bored so perhaps that’s not the correct terminology. I guess the word to better describe my eating style would be ‘subconscious-eater’. I eat when I’m focusing on other things therefore my food intake is not as healthy as possible.
Today was decent. I never felt hungry but during certain times of the day when I normally would snack, I would be convincing myself that I was hungry. I had to take a moment & think to myself…Was I really? The answer was always a surprising ‘No’. Interesting right?
Grabbed some Organic carrots, celery, onion & potato to make my own home-made vegetable stock….it’ll be my ‘liquid dinner’. Ha, this really is hilarious that I’m doing a cleanse & can’t eat for 5 days. Almost finished with Day #2 and feeling really awesome. Energetic, giddy almost. One thing I have noticed is I’m a bit more “scatter-brained” than normal. Not sure if this is due to the lack of actual food or what but I can’t seem to focus on anything.
I have a headache. A little one. I’ve been drinking Peppermint Tea a lot today, which is a permitted beverage & I have to tell you, I like tea! I’m a huge fan. I was OVERWHELMED when I was in Whole Foods & walked down the isle of tea’s. The plethora of tea’s available was astounding. I don’t even think there are that many choices of dried cereal! Fruity, minty, herbal, breakfast, green, energizing, relaxing, the list goes on. Ooohh…and guess who I saw at the market? Simon Pegg. The actor from Shawn of the Dead & Hot Fuzz amongst other things. His shopping cart was filled to the brim, actually above the brim. One more apple & the whole thing would’ve come toppling down.
Well the day isn’t over yet, still have plenty o’ hours to sit & think about not eating. Chances are Day’s 3 & 4 of the Cleanse will be rehashed on Monday when I have access to a computer. Until then.
If today wasn’t a test of will-power (or mental power for that matter), I don’t know what is. Let me just say this…I have come to the realization that I’m a ‘bored-eater’. I eat when I’m bored. I don’t consider myself easily bored so perhaps that’s not the correct terminology. I guess the word to better describe my eating style would be ‘subconscious-eater’. I eat when I’m focusing on other things therefore my food intake is not as healthy as possible.
Today was decent. I never felt hungry but during certain times of the day when I normally would snack, I would be convincing myself that I was hungry. I had to take a moment & think to myself…Was I really? The answer was always a surprising ‘No’. Interesting right?
Grabbed some Organic carrots, celery, onion & potato to make my own home-made vegetable stock….it’ll be my ‘liquid dinner’. Ha, this really is hilarious that I’m doing a cleanse & can’t eat for 5 days. Almost finished with Day #2 and feeling really awesome. Energetic, giddy almost. One thing I have noticed is I’m a bit more “scatter-brained” than normal. Not sure if this is due to the lack of actual food or what but I can’t seem to focus on anything.
I have a headache. A little one. I’ve been drinking Peppermint Tea a lot today, which is a permitted beverage & I have to tell you, I like tea! I’m a huge fan. I was OVERWHELMED when I was in Whole Foods & walked down the isle of tea’s. The plethora of tea’s available was astounding. I don’t even think there are that many choices of dried cereal! Fruity, minty, herbal, breakfast, green, energizing, relaxing, the list goes on. Ooohh…and guess who I saw at the market? Simon Pegg. The actor from Shawn of the Dead & Hot Fuzz amongst other things. His shopping cart was filled to the brim, actually above the brim. One more apple & the whole thing would’ve come toppling down.
Well the day isn’t over yet, still have plenty o’ hours to sit & think about not eating. Chances are Day’s 3 & 4 of the Cleanse will be rehashed on Monday when I have access to a computer. Until then.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Day 4....
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. The rain in Spain, falls on the Plain.
Day 1 of the actual “cleanse”….
Today started out just like any other day. I sat in my bed pressing snooze on my alarm clock for far too long only to realize that once again, I would be late to work. Hopped out of bed, brushed my hair, my teeth, threw on some respectable work-clothes & out the door. But, one more important detail I forgot to mention (purposefully). I had my first SBM of the day. And it wasn’t even 8am yet! Wow, how can I be so excited over a turd?!?
Whoever reads this, please apologize for my crass language and topic of discussion.
Step 2 of the Herbal Cleanse is a 5-day Liquid-Fast. Meaning you take a Toxin Absorber (TA) 5 times a day for 5 days. The TA is mixed w/organic apple juice (supposedly to make the taste a bit more palpable but also for the natural healing qualities for the body that are contained in apple juice). It’s really not that bad. A bit gritty like sand but it’s drinkable. The TA is drunk every 3 hours & if in between those 3 hours you can drink as much apple juice as your little heart desires. You are also permitted to drink teas (herbal only).
Usually around 9:30-10:00 I get a huge breakfast craving. Normally for breakfast I’ll have some yogurt and an orange or an apple. Simple. But some of the time I like to “splurge” and get myself a bagel. We all know that bagels aren’t great for you. Everything in moderation. But I was addicted to the morning carbs! I snarfed em right up! Only until hours after I ate my bagel I would be so sleepy & sedentary it was sad.
Not to say that the rest of the cleanse will be this easy but so far, today has been a breeze. I have two more TA’s to drink before bedtime & surprisingly I don’t feel the least bit hungry. Sure when I was walking around on my lunch break & walked by a Café the food smelled divine but really there have been no hunger pangs that are unbearable.
I feel energized too! Every day, literally EVERY day, I get an insane urge to sleep/close my eyes/rest. This urge happens around 3:30-4:00. Today I didn’t have that urge. I still have the urge to daydream but I don’t think that’s going to stop without some serious meds. ;0)
Let’s hope I feel this motivated & good the rest of the evening & into the rest of the cleanse!!
Day 1 of the actual “cleanse”….
Today started out just like any other day. I sat in my bed pressing snooze on my alarm clock for far too long only to realize that once again, I would be late to work. Hopped out of bed, brushed my hair, my teeth, threw on some respectable work-clothes & out the door. But, one more important detail I forgot to mention (purposefully). I had my first SBM of the day. And it wasn’t even 8am yet! Wow, how can I be so excited over a turd?!?
Whoever reads this, please apologize for my crass language and topic of discussion.
Step 2 of the Herbal Cleanse is a 5-day Liquid-Fast. Meaning you take a Toxin Absorber (TA) 5 times a day for 5 days. The TA is mixed w/organic apple juice (supposedly to make the taste a bit more palpable but also for the natural healing qualities for the body that are contained in apple juice). It’s really not that bad. A bit gritty like sand but it’s drinkable. The TA is drunk every 3 hours & if in between those 3 hours you can drink as much apple juice as your little heart desires. You are also permitted to drink teas (herbal only).
Usually around 9:30-10:00 I get a huge breakfast craving. Normally for breakfast I’ll have some yogurt and an orange or an apple. Simple. But some of the time I like to “splurge” and get myself a bagel. We all know that bagels aren’t great for you. Everything in moderation. But I was addicted to the morning carbs! I snarfed em right up! Only until hours after I ate my bagel I would be so sleepy & sedentary it was sad.
Not to say that the rest of the cleanse will be this easy but so far, today has been a breeze. I have two more TA’s to drink before bedtime & surprisingly I don’t feel the least bit hungry. Sure when I was walking around on my lunch break & walked by a Café the food smelled divine but really there have been no hunger pangs that are unbearable.
I feel energized too! Every day, literally EVERY day, I get an insane urge to sleep/close my eyes/rest. This urge happens around 3:30-4:00. Today I didn’t have that urge. I still have the urge to daydream but I don’t think that’s going to stop without some serious meds. ;0)
Let’s hope I feel this motivated & good the rest of the evening & into the rest of the cleanse!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Day 3: One more day of food that's it?!?! WTF?
Today is the last day of the “pre-cleanse” before the 5-day liquid fast. Let’s just hope it goes by fast and not liquid-y. eew. I’m feeling decent. We are supposed to cut our B, L & D down to a ¼ of what we normally eat. A 1/4th?? Yup. So if you eat a container of yogurt & an apple for breakfast, you only really take like 1-2 bites of yogurt & 4-5 bites of apple & then finito? Crazy talk but I did it.
Depending on the types of food you eat (in general but especially the days before the cleanse) it will determine how strong or mild your ‘cleanse’ will be. I was supposed to avoid cheese during this pre-cleanse too. Cheese? My favorite thing in the whole wide world? It’s been 2 ½ days since I last had cheese. That’s a freakin long time for me.
Surprisingly with the lack of food I’m not feeling too shabby. I had my typical morning slump and again my typical afternoon slump where closing my eyes would be oh so lovely. Being on a ‘restricted’ diet the past few days has made me realize how MUCH crap is in certain foods. I was trying to avoid processed foods at all costs (ie, crackers, cookies, even soups!) and did an okay job. I’ve been eating raw veggies like they’re going out of style and the amount of water I’m drinking? Let’s just say I could fill an Olympic-size pool.
I never really cared what I was putting into my body as my ‘brain’ just wanted the yummy, cheesy goodness of whatever I put into my mouth but now I am actually conscious of it all, it’s kind of a weird feeling. Tomorrow begins the adventure & I’m nervous but excited about the whole thing. I have never really ‘tested’ my body like this before and if the results are anything what people have said from experience, I’m looking forward to it. Wish me luck!!
Depending on the types of food you eat (in general but especially the days before the cleanse) it will determine how strong or mild your ‘cleanse’ will be. I was supposed to avoid cheese during this pre-cleanse too. Cheese? My favorite thing in the whole wide world? It’s been 2 ½ days since I last had cheese. That’s a freakin long time for me.
Surprisingly with the lack of food I’m not feeling too shabby. I had my typical morning slump and again my typical afternoon slump where closing my eyes would be oh so lovely. Being on a ‘restricted’ diet the past few days has made me realize how MUCH crap is in certain foods. I was trying to avoid processed foods at all costs (ie, crackers, cookies, even soups!) and did an okay job. I’ve been eating raw veggies like they’re going out of style and the amount of water I’m drinking? Let’s just say I could fill an Olympic-size pool.
I never really cared what I was putting into my body as my ‘brain’ just wanted the yummy, cheesy goodness of whatever I put into my mouth but now I am actually conscious of it all, it’s kind of a weird feeling. Tomorrow begins the adventure & I’m nervous but excited about the whole thing. I have never really ‘tested’ my body like this before and if the results are anything what people have said from experience, I’m looking forward to it. Wish me luck!!
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