Ramblings of a car....Christine??

What are the chances that I didn’t once get stuck in traffic on the drive to Universal City at 2:30 in the afternoon. That is just unheard of. But when you couple it with the idea that yesterday I left work at 6:03pm and was home on my couch by 6:15pm it becomes uncharacteristic. Was there a natural disaster in Los Angeles while I was on vacation that caused thousands of drivers to disappear from the roads or are we finally understanding the importance of alternate forms of transportation? (Cue the rolling of the eyes as I was just talking about being in my car driving to & fro my destinations).

But really….what gives? Traffic has become a part of me. I feel at home when I am surrounded by it. My little cocoon, my safety net. When I am not surrounded my hundreds of cars I feel naked. Vulnerable. Is that weird? I don’t really know how to explain it. Being surrounded by so many other individuals, all coming from somewhere and going somewhere. Most of the time alone. What do they think about? Are they listening to music? Talk radio? Are they looking forward to walking in their front door. Will they be walking in the door to the arms of children, loved ones, roommates, pets? I am always so curious to know about the people that share this path with me.

For a few weeks every single morning I would see the same 5-10 drivers on my way to work. Some days I would see all 10 of them, and some days only 5. We all must live within a few mile radius of eachother & like clockwork leave our homes at the exact same time each and every morning so that within 2-3 blocks we would be driving our same route. It is at times unfathomable to me. Are we just creatures of habit? Waking up and beginning our daily routine. Starting the car….on autopilot we drive to our places of business. To enjoy them? Perhaps not. But perhaps those few people that I saw every morning were ecstatic to be going to work. I want to be like them. If they even exist.

I'll have the bug-infested breakfast please.

Bummer. You know when you are craving a certain food & go out of your way to obtain the said food? I do. Case in point: I went to the local market around the corner from my office to grab a few items I was craving. Today’s craving was The Laughing Cow: Light French Onion Spreadable Cheese. Being that I cannot eat cheese alone (well sure I can but spreadable cheese would prove to be a difficult task) – I set out to find a decent cracker to house said spreadable cheese.

I settled on ak-mak 100% whole wheat stone ground sesame crackers. I should preface that the market by my office is a small, locally owned market specializing in hard to find International foods. Never having tried these crackers before it was almost an adventure for my taste buds….just waiting to happen. I pick up a few other things at the market, and proceed back to my office where I will concoct a most delicious treat.

What I do next and my thoughts running through my mind may be considered by some a bit looney. Hey. Before you pass judgement, realize the severity of hunger pangs that surge through my body. I open up the box of ak-mak crackers, pull one out & see something on the cracker that resembles a bug. A dead bug, but a bug nonetheless. The crackers are covered in sesame seeds so at first I can’t be certain if it is indeed a bug or just a figment of my imagination. I pick up the bug, carefully bring it to eye level & determine that yes, this is indeed a dead bug on my cracker. I toss the bug into the garbage can and begin inspecting my cracker for more signs of bugs. See, this is where my mental state should be looked at. I didn’t automatically throw the bug-ridden cracker away. I was contemplating EATING the cracker that said bug had been hanging out on for who knows how long. I put the cracker back into the box & grab another cracker. This one has no bugs & I am highly tempted to open up one of my spreadable cheese wedges & get my grub on but then something catches my eye. Another bug. A whole clan of bugs actually. All dead. Some still in their cocoon like home. I have shivers just writing this. My ak-mak crackers were infested by some moths or what have you. Further examining my box of crackers I see that they are everywhere. Even on the exterior of the box I see remnants of bug carcasses. Why did I not see this before?

Now I am cracker-less and have yummy cheese staring up at me. I of course will go back to the market & let them know of the infested crackers. Question is though: do I get another box of crackers as a substitute? I can assume I just got a bad batch, but perhaps not. Oh the dilemma. I seriously have the heeby-geebies to think I actually considered eating the cracker after I picked off the dead bug. Gross-out to the max.

A legal request, if you will.

Dear Mr. Fly,

I would like to state for the record that I in no way want to rid your kind of its existence….I merely would like to come to an agreement. A contract if you will. Let me explain why I would like such a binding agreement to occur.

After a few long, drawn-out hours at work I was able to sneak outside for a little bite to eat & what better a place to be than at the little Patisserie across the street from my office. Plenty of outdoor seating, umbrellas to keep my skin cancer-free & the occasional Celebrity sighting; I was determined to have a relaxing meal on my one-hour break. I ordered my Iced Caramel Latte (a rarity for me as I get too hopped up on caffeine) and a Turkey Avocado – Pain de mie & took my seat outside to watch the stressed out drivers speed up & down the Boulevard. My food arrived shortly thereafter & the sight of it was divine. I was salivating just looking at my tasty meal but before I could delve into my food you & your friend came along and trotted around my food almost as if you were ‘marking your territory’.

I understand that you too might be extremely hungry & have been waiting around for a similar lady like myself to sit down with her $15.00 meal – just so you can have yourself a taste or two. But, PLEASE – don’t flutter around on my food and contaminate it with whatever you pick up on your flights!! I shooed you away. I flitted you with my hand. I was about to whack you with my book but thought twice about that option as I was extremely hungry & didn’t want to risk damaging my food, nor did I want to cause any harm to you or your friend.

You didn’t get the hint, as you just kept coming back for more. Maybe you are one of those masochistic flies that enjoy pain & humiliation or perhaps you are one that loves a challenge. Either way…..it is ridiculously annoying to me to try & eat my food and every 5 seconds have to stop to shoo you away. No wonder they made a song about you. Shoo fly, don’t bother me! I even went to great lengths as to SET ASIDE some of my very own food FOR YOU. We can eat together, not a problem. You have your food on your end of the table, I’ll have mine on my end. Capeesh??

Even after my attempt at sharing, you were greedy & wanted MY food. Why Mr. Fly must you mock me & not accept my most gracious offer? Just take a gander at your cousins, the dragonflies, fireflies or butterflies. They do not insist on eating human food, why do you? They are perfectly capable of sustaining themselves on pollen & the like.

I like you, really I do. You have long been a part of literature & mythology; you even help our forensic scientists in determining the time of death! That’s amazing. And when Bee’s began to take all of the credit for pollinating our flowers, etc…you just went right ahead and began to pollinate Japanese sunflowers in greenhouses. I salute you for your valiant efforts but I now bring you back to my original request.

Do not eat my food. Do not fly around me while I am trying to eat my food. A basic request really. So please consult your legal team & get back to me ASAP as I would like to have a contractual agreement under way rather soon.

Sincerely,
A bugged individual in L.A.

Random A-Z.

A is for Admiration
B is for Bulgaria
C is for Christmas
D is for Dangerous
E is for Everything
F is for Finals
G is for Greatness
H is for Hallelujah
I is for Intense
J is for Jameson
K is for Kooky
L is for Lame
M is for More
N is for Neanderthals
O is for Openness
P is for Purity
Q is for Quirky
R is for Ridiculous
S is for Salt
T is for Trust
U is for Upper
V is for Victory
W is for Wonderful
X is for Xanthiums
Y is for Yellow
Z is for Zombies

A truly blessed day!!

Today is my birthday. My 28th! I am never big on celebrations for myself but will party till the cows come home for others. Don’t get me wrong….I love being the center of attention. But it’s more so that I love being the center of attention around complete strangers. When I am with friends I love to nurture & take care of them and rarely feel comfortable when the roles are reversed. Not to say I don’t appreciate the TLC, I just prefer it the other way around.

Which brings me to today. I was hesitant to make any plans for my birthday because when it comes down to it, it’s just another day. More than likely I will be calling my mom & dad on my birthday to thank them for supporting and giving me love the past 27 years. But, the amount of love I have received today from friends & family almost brings tears to my eyes. From phone calls to text-messages, e-mails, Facebook messages, morning cupcakes, surprise flowers, chocolate strawberries SHAPED like flowers, an amazing lunch, dessert, cards, well wishes, etc….(and the day isn’t over!!) all of you have gone far & beyond what I even thought was possible.

I seriously cannot even begin to explain how many of you have touched my life. I may have known you for a day, a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20+ years…you all have made an impact on my life and for that I am forever grateful!!

I will see some of you today and some of you I won’t see but once a year and both are wonderful! A second I can spend with a friend who loves and cares about me is a second no one can take away. I will always have that moment. So to everyone who has made the first day of my 28th year a truly blessed day, I love you & can’t wait for what lies ahead.

Always and forever.

-Kristen

The beginnings of a poem perhaps??

Don’t look at me that way, I know what’s behind your eyes.
Your dirty little secrets, and nasty little lies.
You’re asking for forgiveness, to wash away your sins.
I can’t bring myself to do it for this is a battle I can finally win.

Rad Red.....Really Random Read

So I just named my Blackberry. It was about time I gave her a name. I mean, it’s a phone and all but now if I can’t find it I can just say, Hey, anyone know where Rad Red is? & they’ll instantly know I am talking about my phone. I suppose I could say “Anyone know where my phone is?” But then people wouldn’t know what phone they would be looking for. At least with Rad Red they know it A. Must be Rad and B. Must be Red. So easy.

I thought this happened only in movies.....

I seriously can pick out the winners in a crowd. Yes, I’m being quite facetious. The other day I went bowling with one of my friends, Matt. We were having a grand ol’ time playing each other in air hockey, basketball, dance dance revolution (which I kick butt in I will add) until our names were called for our lane.

Whilst playing the arcade games I kept on noticing an attractive guy keep glancing over at me. We kept making eye contact throughout the evening & when I made a trip to the bar, he stopped me & began chit-chatting. It was a short lived conversation as I wanted to get my beer & head back to bowling but in the minute or two that we spoke he babbled on about how he thought I was ‘so gorgeous & sexy’ and how ‘he would love to take me out to dinner’, etc etc. I was flattered as I found him attractive as well but wasn’t yet going to be giving out my digits.

An hour or so passed & I went back to the bar to grab Matt & I another round of beers. Yet again this guy “Tim” stops me & insists I get his number or him mine as he really really wants to take me out to dinner &/or drinks. By this time I was thinking, OK, he’s definitely persistent & seems interested so, why not. We exchanged numbers & he mentioned he would text me “something sweet & cute” right away so I wouldn’t forget who he was. Hello! It’s not like I give my number out to just any random, of course I wouldn’t forget who he was as he was a persistent one from the bowling alley. The texts that were sent back & forth are as follows.

Tim : Where’s my cute bowler?
Me : Still working on my game.
Tim : See, I told you I’d sent a cute text.
Me : I don’t know if that constitutes as a cute text but thank you anyhow.
Tim : Well I’d really like to take you out to dinner this week. Do you like sushi?
Me : Why yes I do like sushi, when are you thinking?
Tim : You tell me when, I’ll tell you where.
Me : I’m free Thursday, you?

And then no more texts the rest of the night.

Turn the page to 11:15 the next morning. I’m finishing up some laundry & I hear my phone ringing. Looking to see who it is, I see it’s “Tim Bowling” calling. Wow, he really is persistent. I pick up the phone & here is the convo: (Warning, might be the funniest/awkward/amazing convo ever)…

Tim: Kristen!!
Me : Hey Tim
Tim : See, I told you I’d call.
Me : You’re right, I didn’t expect a phone call so soon though.
Tim : Well I wanted to talk to you but also I think I left my hat.
Me : Umm…you think you left your hat? Where?
Tim : In your bedroom silly, where else.
Me : Well unless the bowling alley was magically transformed into my bedroom, which it wasn’t, I have no idea where you left your hat.
Tim : Ha ha, you’re funny. You’re joking right? Remember last night I was standing in your room naked wearing only my hat & you were giggling?
Me : Ummm Tim? I think you have the wrong Kristen because you were never in my room. Really. You were never even in my house as I last saw you at the bowling alley.
Tim : Oh Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I am so sorry, Oh. My. God. Fuck.

Click……

Pretty much the most awesome conversation I’ve ever witnessed. He must’ve been scamming quite a few girls at the bowling alley & he went home with one of them. After the fact she was probably saying “So you’re going to call right?” & him being all, “yes I’ll call I promise, I have your number in my phone”. Fast forward to a few hours later when he thinks he’s calling “the girl he went home with” and voila, here I am an innocent bystander in a sleaze-ball love triangle. The unknown question that will remain unanswered is, ‘Did he actually meet two girls named Kristen & saved them in his phone & mixed them up’ or Good times in the city. I want my girlfriend to call his number from her phone in a week & say “Tim, you haven’t called and you said you would. I thought we had something special. I still have your hat too”. What I would give to be a fly on the wall on the receiving end of the phone call.

Lesson learned. I’m glad I found out very early on what a major douchebag this guy was.

Am I in Heaven??

Or is this a dream? This can’t be real, can it? A restaurant that was serving a 3-course meal and wine pairing? Get this, the main ingredient being DOUGHNUTS. Yes, doughnuts. Doughnuts that would make Homer Simpson proud. The doughnut tasting/wine pairing was at Grace restaurant in Los Angeles & I guess pastry chef Maria Swan is a doughnut connoisseur. Who knew doughnuts could be even more delicious than they already are? Well, serve them with amazing ice cream & a tasting of wine perfectly paired to bring out the flavors in both & you my friend will have one heck of a yummy meal.

The first course was a ‘salted caramel covered doughnut served with roasted pecan ice cream & fresh strawberries’ and the wine pairing was a Prosecco which is similar to a champagne but very dry, slightly acidic and crisp.

The second course was a ‘pistachio chocolate buttercream filled doughnut rolled in sugar & served with French vanilla ice cream& paired with a tawny port wine. The wine alone has such a high alcoholic scent it almost burns your nose but after a bite of the doughnut & a sip of the wine, it was clear to me that this Maria Swan knows her doughnuts and wine. The miraculous thing was I enjoyed this second doughnut and wine pairing better as a duo as the flavors of the food and the wine were magnified together but alone would be yummy, just not amazing.

The third course was a ‘buttermilk spiced rum glazed donut’ & was paired with a slightly sweet white dessert wine. It too was quite tasty but was my least favorite. Flavors of doughnut I LOVED the first course but wasn’t a huge fan of the prosecco. The port wine & the second course was let me say again, spectacular.

The whole experience was marvelous. I think I uttered the words, “Oh my gosh” at least two dozen times throughout the evening. I’m not sure if the doughnut tasting/pairing is offered daily as I believe it was a special tribute to National Doughnut Day which was June 5th but I do know Maria Swan (the pastry chef) does make different kinds of desserts, amazing doughnuts included.

The A's-Z's of Friday the 5th.

A is for Asbestos. Because I like saying the word Asbestos and because I can actually spell it.
B is for Baller. Because that’s what I am. Or so I think.
C is for Copy-cat. Because sometimes mimicking someone else is just a bundle of fun wrapped up in raffia.
D is for Delirious. Because that’s what I am 95% of the time.
E is for Ecstatic. Because that’s what I’d be if I weren’t here at work not actually working.
F is for Frank. Not sure if I mean Frank as in a person or Frank as in a ball (ball frank hot dogs). Perhaps both.
G is for Globs. Because pretty much any sort of glob is nothing short of amazing.
H is for Hilarious. Because if things in life can’t be hilarious, life would be a dull and boring place.
I is for Igloo. Because for once in my life I would like to build myself an igloo and sleep in it for one night. But just one night.
J is for Juxtapose. Because I actually don’t know exactly what the definition of juxtapose is but I can assure you I’d like it either way.
K is for Karaoke. Because that’s who I am.
L is for Lame. Because I’d rather be outside relaxing under an oak tree than here in a lame office.
M is for Meteor. Because meteors come from outer space. I think?
N is for Neanderthal. Because that’s who I am at times.
O is for Ostrich. Because the freaking birds weigh 300 pounds, can run up to 70km/h and are just odd looking.
P is for Pretentious. Because I live in Los Angeles and it is hard to find folks who aren’t pretentious.
Q is for Quirky. Because I’ve been called it before & am very proud of the fact.
R is for Retirement. Because I don’t think there is a specific age where a person should/could retire.
S is for Sleepiness. Because I’d do anything to go back to Preschool where we had mandatory nap times.
T is for True. Because being True to yourself & to others is the most important part of life.
U is for Unicycle. Because I have always wanted to learn how to ride one.
V is for Vanilla. Because I’m on a vanilla kick. Candles, body washes, perfumes, etc.
W is for Watermelons. Because I love to eat watermelons, especially if it involves a summer day in the park complete with a seed-spitting contest.
X is for Xylophone. Because who doesn’t enjoy a xylophone & also, how many other x words are out there?
Y is for Yellow. Because yellow might be the most sunshiny, splendidly happy color ever!
Z is for Zombies. Because secretly I would love to meet a zombie.

A moment to vent may I?

A guy walks into an office building. Into our suite actually. Immediately upon walking into the office his cell phone rings. Quite an obnoxious ring tone I might add. “I actually have a phone call”….he said. Duh! Of course you have to take a phone call because you’re Mr. Awesome and can’t give the respect to those around you to keep your freaking phone on silent when entering an office/business meeting. Why don’t you just “ignore button” the guy/girl on the other end & show some respect.

And now he’s asking for a soda when the front desk receptionist offered him water, coffee or tea. We even have juices such as coconut water, cashew juice, coffee berry juice, you know, those weird organic healthy drinks that taste like ass. I’m siding with him ‘in a way’ because I would prefer a soda over these funky tasting/healthy drinks BUT still, we aren’t Starbucks or Albertsons or some kitschy market you’re used to frequenting. It’s a small office; we have healthy Cliff Bars for snacks and weird juices. Get over yourself.

What a nice little afternoon vent will do to the mind/body~

Ahh...Finally, Day 9 has arrived.

Day 5 of the actual cleanse.

I get to eat food today! I’m supposed to ‘ease’ back into eating foods & keep it simple so my body can begin digesting & processing things w/o too much trouble/confusion. Last night about 11pm I was looking through my cabinets wondering what I was going to eat in the morning for breakfast. I was supposed to eat one organic apple, chewed slowly & thoroughly. Upon waking up I wasn’t all that hungry. But the thought of eating food again and actually chewing was too tempting. I ended up having a few pretzels with hummus. Oh my gosh have I ever tasted such glorious food in my life. I have been extremely disciplined this entire cleanse & decided to take it upon myself to walk down to the bagel shop & order myself a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter & jelly. No, it’s not healthy in the slightest & is exactly the opposite of what I am supposed to be eating. But let me tell you, I don’t care if my stomach curdles up in pain for the next day while trying to process the bagel, it was all worth it.

Did I learn anything while on this cleanse? Sure. I learned a shit-load. (pun intended). During the pre-cleanse I thought it was insanely difficult to find non-processed foods, etc but that was because I wasn’t looking in the right places. I was looking where I normally eat. But upon looking ‘outside the box’ I realized it is not difficult at all, it just takes loads of determination to stick with it. As the healthy eating routine becomes regular, it wouldn’t require a lot of determination but in the beginning I can guarantee it’d be tough. I guess me eating a PB&J Bagel this morning did not get me off to a great start. Tough cookies. I am committed to becoming more aware of the foods that I eat and the effects they have on my body. My starchy bagel I ate is making me slightly sleepy. Mmm….interesting. We’ll see if I have my mid-afternoon slump that I normally had before the cleanse. Back to work.

Is there a Dream-Reader in the House??

I had a weird dream last night.

I was dating *, my friend who lives in *. We were perfect together. We went camping with a bunch of friends and I became extremely exhausted so I went back to the house to get some rest. I couldn’t get *’s attention so I wrote him a note giving him all of the details of why & left & where I was heading. I get back to the house where at least a dozen people are staying & I picked a room to lie down in. I must’ve fallen asleep as the next thing I recall is being woken up in a rush. All around me chaos ensued, but I didn’t understand why. Then a few of my friends told me that when they left the communal hang-out area which I left earlier, no one remembered where I went or bothered to look at the note I left telling them my whereabouts. They then began to tell me that * had brought back our dog with them but had taken off to go search for me. In a frantic rush I left the house trying to go find *. Scouring the mountainside I see him walking along this narrow ridge. I try calling out his name but he is so far away & can't hear me. Suddenly he slips and begins to fall, but catches himself on a lower ledge. My heart was beating so fast & I couldn’t do anything to help him. As he was hanging there the ledge gave way & he began to fall deeper & deeper into the ravine. At the very last moment he managed to grab a hold of some plant life that began tearing from the rock as well. Such agony was surging through my body as he was hanging on to his life I couldn’t bare it. The screams that exuded from my body were so sad and painful. I can’t recall how he was saved but I remember running up to him with tears in my eyes kissing & hugging him. To think * would have been out of my life forever saddened me to no end. My dream them skipped to another scene but still in the mountains. I was with my mother. We were walking towards this restaurant for lunch and it was right along another ravine. As we got closer I looked to my right & saw a ginormous bridge going across the ravine. There was no way I was going to walk on that or even get near that bridge. My heart began to race and I started having shortness of breath. I don’t like heights I kept on telling my mom. But we continued walking towards the restaurant. The dirt road began to get smaller and narrower, which only added to the level of my anxiety. The mountain began to curve & upon coming around the bend the road was now small. Very small. The road now did not have anything to the right, just a sheer drop-off into an deadly abyss. I couldn’t walk slowly enough or carefully enough. I thought one wrong step & I would slip & fall to my doom. We finally arrived at our lunch destination which was a small tent-like thing on the actual road. When we sat down & began to eat I finally started relaxing. My heart beat lessened, the sweat quickly dried from my brow, I began to enjoy myself and the company of those around me. All good things come to an end right? The whole tent began to tilt this way and that, but very slowly at first so no one was believing me when I began to freak out. I became the crazy woman petrified of falling off the cliff into the ravine. It got so bad that I managed to get out & start running away from the tent. I didn’t look back. And then my mom was at the top of the mountain when I got there. She was leaving to the airport, flying somewhere. I kept trying to have a conversation with her but for some reason I couldn’t speak. No words were coming out. I wanted to tell her how frightened I was & that all I wanted was some reassurance. She left. And I was left there standing, alone.

Then I woke up.

Day 8...Continued

Day 4 of actual cleanse…Part Two

Okay so I’m in a much better mood now than when I wrote my last entry. I must have been in a funk all morning. I could do this for a couple more days….but I won’t. That's it I just wanted to share.

Day 8: The Home Stretch!!!

Day 5 of the actual ‘cleanse’:

I’m somewhat speechless as to how I have felt over the last few days. Friday was Day 2 of the cleanse where I was on a liquids-only fast and I felt great. I was a bit nervous for the weekend as I had to work at my restaurant job for Days 3 & 4 serving burgers and fries & didn’t know if I would be tempted to eat any of them while I was there. Quite the contrary actually. Although the food I was serving ‘looked good’ I didn’t feel the slightest inkling to consume any of it.

The energy. Did I talk about the amount of energy I had over the weekend? Not to say I actually capitalized on this energy but I did continually keep busy and never once had a ‘tired moment’. A few times I was almost too giddy & began to wonder…what exactly is IN this herbal cleanse.

I had a case of ‘acne’ that sprouted but I’m not sure if this was due to the cleanse or just random hormones fluttering about my body. I did notice the whites of my eyes are SUPER bright. Maybe it is because all of the ‘toxins’ are leaving my body??

Now it is Monday, the final day of the liquids-only fast & I can’t even begin to tell you how badly I want something to eat. Not because I feel hungry because it’s quite the opposite. I feel full. Too full. I am just really sick of drinking the TA’s as the flavor is becoming unbearable. I have only 2 more to go. Sounds like nothing but they are starting to make me gag & that’s not good. Maybe I’m just too excited about eating real food again that any other flavors that DO NOT resemble actual food are sickening to me. Am I venting? I heard a bitch side might come out while on the cleanse, I guess this is it.

Tomorrow morning I am supposed to ‘ease’ back into eating solid foods. I know that I should follow the instructions & eat my one organic apple, chewed thoroughly but I really want is to dive into a big pile of flapjacks and hashbrowns at IHOP. My stomach will probably combust if I tried to eat all of that food but that’s what I’m craving right now. I’m totally bitching right now but in all honesty, I have surprisingly enjoyed this whole experience. (I know it’s not over yet, I still have to get through tonight) but I would totally recommend this herbal cleanse to anyone.

Tomorrow is the final day & it can’t come too soon.

Day 5: Movin right along....Sort of.

Day 2 of the actual ‘cleanse’:

If today wasn’t a test of will-power (or mental power for that matter), I don’t know what is. Let me just say this…I have come to the realization that I’m a ‘bored-eater’. I eat when I’m bored. I don’t consider myself easily bored so perhaps that’s not the correct terminology. I guess the word to better describe my eating style would be ‘subconscious-eater’. I eat when I’m focusing on other things therefore my food intake is not as healthy as possible.

Today was decent. I never felt hungry but during certain times of the day when I normally would snack, I would be convincing myself that I was hungry. I had to take a moment & think to myself…Was I really? The answer was always a surprising ‘No’. Interesting right?

Grabbed some Organic carrots, celery, onion & potato to make my own home-made vegetable stock….it’ll be my ‘liquid dinner’. Ha, this really is hilarious that I’m doing a cleanse & can’t eat for 5 days. Almost finished with Day #2 and feeling really awesome. Energetic, giddy almost. One thing I have noticed is I’m a bit more “scatter-brained” than normal. Not sure if this is due to the lack of actual food or what but I can’t seem to focus on anything.

I have a headache. A little one. I’ve been drinking Peppermint Tea a lot today, which is a permitted beverage & I have to tell you, I like tea! I’m a huge fan. I was OVERWHELMED when I was in Whole Foods & walked down the isle of tea’s. The plethora of tea’s available was astounding. I don’t even think there are that many choices of dried cereal! Fruity, minty, herbal, breakfast, green, energizing, relaxing, the list goes on. Ooohh…and guess who I saw at the market? Simon Pegg. The actor from Shawn of the Dead & Hot Fuzz amongst other things. His shopping cart was filled to the brim, actually above the brim. One more apple & the whole thing would’ve come toppling down.

Well the day isn’t over yet, still have plenty o’ hours to sit & think about not eating. Chances are Day’s 3 & 4 of the Cleanse will be rehashed on Monday when I have access to a computer. Until then.

Day 4....

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. The rain in Spain, falls on the Plain.

Day 1 of the actual “cleanse”….

Today started out just like any other day. I sat in my bed pressing snooze on my alarm clock for far too long only to realize that once again, I would be late to work. Hopped out of bed, brushed my hair, my teeth, threw on some respectable work-clothes & out the door. But, one more important detail I forgot to mention (purposefully). I had my first SBM of the day. And it wasn’t even 8am yet! Wow, how can I be so excited over a turd?!?

Whoever reads this, please apologize for my crass language and topic of discussion.

Step 2 of the Herbal Cleanse is a 5-day Liquid-Fast. Meaning you take a Toxin Absorber (TA) 5 times a day for 5 days. The TA is mixed w/organic apple juice (supposedly to make the taste a bit more palpable but also for the natural healing qualities for the body that are contained in apple juice). It’s really not that bad. A bit gritty like sand but it’s drinkable. The TA is drunk every 3 hours & if in between those 3 hours you can drink as much apple juice as your little heart desires. You are also permitted to drink teas (herbal only).

Usually around 9:30-10:00 I get a huge breakfast craving. Normally for breakfast I’ll have some yogurt and an orange or an apple. Simple. But some of the time I like to “splurge” and get myself a bagel. We all know that bagels aren’t great for you. Everything in moderation. But I was addicted to the morning carbs! I snarfed em right up! Only until hours after I ate my bagel I would be so sleepy & sedentary it was sad.

Not to say that the rest of the cleanse will be this easy but so far, today has been a breeze. I have two more TA’s to drink before bedtime & surprisingly I don’t feel the least bit hungry. Sure when I was walking around on my lunch break & walked by a Café the food smelled divine but really there have been no hunger pangs that are unbearable.

I feel energized too! Every day, literally EVERY day, I get an insane urge to sleep/close my eyes/rest. This urge happens around 3:30-4:00. Today I didn’t have that urge. I still have the urge to daydream but I don’t think that’s going to stop without some serious meds. ;0)

Let’s hope I feel this motivated & good the rest of the evening & into the rest of the cleanse!!

Day 3: One more day of food that's it?!?! WTF?

Today is the last day of the “pre-cleanse” before the 5-day liquid fast. Let’s just hope it goes by fast and not liquid-y. eew. I’m feeling decent. We are supposed to cut our B, L & D down to a ¼ of what we normally eat. A 1/4th?? Yup. So if you eat a container of yogurt & an apple for breakfast, you only really take like 1-2 bites of yogurt & 4-5 bites of apple & then finito? Crazy talk but I did it.

Depending on the types of food you eat (in general but especially the days before the cleanse) it will determine how strong or mild your ‘cleanse’ will be. I was supposed to avoid cheese during this pre-cleanse too. Cheese? My favorite thing in the whole wide world? It’s been 2 ½ days since I last had cheese. That’s a freakin long time for me.

Surprisingly with the lack of food I’m not feeling too shabby. I had my typical morning slump and again my typical afternoon slump where closing my eyes would be oh so lovely. Being on a ‘restricted’ diet the past few days has made me realize how MUCH crap is in certain foods. I was trying to avoid processed foods at all costs (ie, crackers, cookies, even soups!) and did an okay job. I’ve been eating raw veggies like they’re going out of style and the amount of water I’m drinking? Let’s just say I could fill an Olympic-size pool.

I never really cared what I was putting into my body as my ‘brain’ just wanted the yummy, cheesy goodness of whatever I put into my mouth but now I am actually conscious of it all, it’s kind of a weird feeling. Tomorrow begins the adventure & I’m nervous but excited about the whole thing. I have never really ‘tested’ my body like this before and if the results are anything what people have said from experience, I’m looking forward to it. Wish me luck!!

Day 2 : Pre-Cleanse

FYI: I’m going to talk about shit. Yes, smelly, dirty, fecal matter.

Day 2 of the Cleanse….So I kind of cheated with my cleanse already. Well I’m not sure if I’m cheating the cleanse or if the cleanse is cheating me. I was SUPPOSED to start today (Day 1) by eating ¾ my breakfast, lunch & dinner although last night when my gf brought over my kit while I was working, she jumped into it & said, “let’s just start tonight!!”.

We began by taking Digestive Stimulators which I mentioned in my Pre-Cleanse blog yesterday. Based on how many ‘bowel movements’ you have on a daily basis determines how many capsules you need to take each night before bed to “gear your system up” for it’s movements the next day.

Let’s call them SBM (Soft Bowel Movements). 2 Hours after taking the Digestive Stimulator Capsules (DSC), you drink your first Toxin Absorber (TA) which is gritty and grainy & tastes somewhat like cement. (Not that I eat cement on a regular basis, it just seems that if I were to be eating cement, it would taste exactly like the TA). The TA is a packet of powder containing different herbs & clays that adhere to the mucoid plaque that lines your colon. By mixing this powder in the specialty “Shaker Jar” (which basically is a rinsed out jelly container) with half the container filled with Organic Apple juice, you are now ready to drink/gulp/guzzle/force down your very first TA. It wasn’t horrible, let me say that but would I drink it if I didn’t have to? No.

As I was trying to fall asleep I was FREEZING. I mean, FREEZING! I never get cold. I chose the Peppermint flavored cleanse as my other option was Ginger & I despise Ginger. Apparently Ginger is for people who are cold all of the time, Peppermint for those what are warm. But I think what happened was the Peppermint really does cool you down to the point where you are actually cold! I guess I would have a cold sensation than the ginger heating my body up to who knows what temperature. So, trying to sleep, not happening. My body, especially my back was in so so so much pain. I have NO idea if the back pain was related to the TA I had just drank or what, all I knew is that I was tired, cold & uncomfortable.

This morning I woke up feeling fine, a bit of gargly-ness action happening in my stomach but I assume that is natural. Based on the Users Guide for the Cleanse, I am supposed to have 2-3 SBM’s a day. A day! I shouldn’t start the Main Cleanse until I am up to that number in order to get the most benefits (ie; excessive mucoid plaque removal). I’m up to a deer pellet BM. WTF. I’ve been loading up on H2O, Broccoli and I’m about to go stuff straight fiber down my throat so I get things moving. I’ll be updating as the updates become available, or interesting for that matter.

Hasta`

Goin on a Cleanse!!

Starting tomorrow, Tuesday April 27th 2009 I will begin my ‘cleanse’. Colon cleanse that is. What a fun adventure to tackle right? I’m hoping so. First of all, let me just inform you of what happens to your body during this ‘cleanse’. It starts off with a 3-day period of ‘prepping’ your body for the 5-day liquid fast. Anything that needs ‘prepping’ automatically frightens me. But I will never know if it is beneficial to me/my body unless I try. The 3-day prep period consists of eating certain types of food but in smaller & smaller quantities leading up to the fast. I will also be taking “Digestive Stimulants” during this time which I can only assume are locomotive laxatives for my ‘bowel movements’. During my 5-day liquid fast, it will be quite the experience as I like to eat food, a lot. Many people say the emotional ups & downs can become overwhelming, often with ‘bitchiness’ being an attribute that rears its ugly head. We shall see won’t we. Updates on my cleanse will be posted daily.

Our fish Mr. Blue died today. He was our office mascot & he kicked fin! He was the spunkiest fish I have ever seen. Mr. Blue was a Beta Fish & was the most handsome of all. As most Beta Fish are fighting fish, he was no different. He was so gregarious in his fighting ways, whenever we would put a blue pen up to his fishbowl; he would puff up all big & chase after the pen. He knew his territory & was not afraid to defend it. Unfortunately Mr. Blue came down with a tumor of some sort and has sadly left us with only his memories. So today, February 18, 2009 I am dedicating to our late fish, Mr. Blue.

I know there’s something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
You’ve built a love but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns to dark

Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There’s nothing else you can do

I don’t know where you’re going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
They’re swept away and nothing is what it seems
The feeling of belonging to your dreams

Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There’s nothing else you can do

I don’t know where you’re going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

And there are voices
That want to be heard
So much to mention
But you can’t find the words
The scent of magic
The beauty that’s been
When love was wilder than the wind

Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There’s nothing else you can do

I don’t know where you’re going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye
Listen to your heart, mmm, mmmmmm

I don’t know where you’re going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

I need to work out. Like bad. When NONE of my pants are fitting – even the “fat jeans” I face the harsh reality that I need to get off my “excessively large & getting larger” ass and sweat a little bit. I used to LOVE working out, actually it got to the point where I was obsessed with it. I would wake up early in the morning (about 6am) & go on a 3-4 mile run then bike to school. Once at school I had an aerobics class for an hour. After all of my classes I usually went back & participated in the afternoon aerobics class. (although I was not enrolled, the teacher would still let me join). My bike ride home came after the class and THEN, if that wasn’t enough for the exercise filled day, I would do a bit of kick-boxing and/or yoga once I got home. Seriously I was obsessed. I also measured all of my food & portioned everything out. 17 grapes, 8 crackers, 6 oz. lean turkey breast, one apple and perhaps some dried fruit/nuts mixture. Like I said many times previously, I was obsessed. But, my obsession did cause my physical body to be in the “best shape” it had ever been in. It was my mental state that just couldn’t take it anymore. So, with all of that being said, I would like to find a happy medium. I would like to get back into exercising and eating more healthily in addition to maintaining a relatively ‘normal’ schedule with work, social life, etc. I’m not sure how exactly this will all pan out but my initial step is to just get off my ass & do something. I just bought myself a new I-Shuffle which I am sooo excited about. I live to listen to music & what better way to get out there & run/jog/walk with some beat-pumping music? Music always has a way of motivating me to push myself into reaching my work-out goals & exceeding them. I just have to be “varry, varry, caerfull” of all of the cars speeding along not really paying attention to the pedestrians. (Do you like my attempt at speaking like Elmer Fudd?) Honestly, it frightens me to be on the streets of Los Angeles with the crazy, self-obsessed, pre-occupied drivers. Not to say I’m a saint-filled driver as I’ve had my days where I’m on auto-pilot & most likely have had a few “close-calls”. When living in an urban area we have to try our best to utilize what we have around us. Instead of running on major streets (which I am surrounded my dozens) I started opening up to the possibility that my neighborhood had some “safe” streets to run on. I was right, sort of. It is necessary to trek across many a large, car-filled streets in order to get to these “safe” streets. I haven’t even mentioned the smog/exhaust that emanates from the cars into the air which I subsequently inhale into my somewhat healthy lungs. You know what??? I’m just complaining and making excuses as to why I haven’t been working out. To credit my excuse making self, I was working A TON from the months of August – December. When I say A TON, I’m not exaggerating. My schedule was as follows.
Monday/Wednesday/Friday: Office 8:00am—4:30pm…Restaurant 5:00pm---10:30pm.
Tuesday: Restaurant 10:30am---7:00pm
Thursday: Office 8:00am---4:30opm
Saturday/Sunday: Restaurant 7:00am---4:00/5:00pm
That’s a lot of hours. Now I have to be honest here. It’s not like I was busy saving the world during work, I was busy doing clerical work and serving burgers & beers. But just the sheer amount of hours was tiresome. But I am/was very grateful I was able to have a job, two for that matter because in these times of economic downfall, I have been able to keep plugging away at an attempted savings nest-egg. This is totally on a side note. DO NOT DRINK AN ENTIRE CAN OF MONSTER LO-BALL COFFEE ENERGY DRINK. I don’t think I’ve had the shakes this bad, even after a heavy night of throwin back margaritas & Jose Cuervo shots. For reals. This is on the verge of uber-comical as my fingers are so jittery I am having difficulties typing. What does one do when they are too amped up on caffeine? Is there a remedy or solution? I am open to suggestions. Maybe having this caffeine-induced moment is really an epiphany. Because right now I feel like I could run 10 miles in 10 seconds. I don’t think I would ever be able to handle drugs that make you feel like the way I am feeling. So, with all of the above being said and possible understood, I bid you ado as I have long car ride ahead of me.

I have larvae. Not me personally in my body but in my home. The past week or two every time we open the pantry in our kitchen, out flutters a few moths. Well I think they are moths. These moths are VERY annoying. I don’t like killing insects and for the first week I would just shoo them away with a swat of my hand. But it got worse. Way worse. It got to the point where they were hanging out in my bathroom, in my bedroom, in the living room, halls, especially their homeland of our KITCHEN. Icky icky ick ick. What to do?! We called an exterminator. I wasn’t there when he came by to check our larvae filled pantry but was told by my roommate that it was advised “we throw out everything in our pantry”. EVERYTHING?!?! Yes, everything. These little buggers get into the most sealed up packages I kid you now. How? I have no clue. Literally, a sealed container, never once been opened & they get in there. I started to think… “Hmmm, how many larvae have I eaten in the past week & did not notice?” That’s right. I’m getting my protein from as many sources as possible. These are tough times & a girls gotta do what a girls gotta so. Ha, only in my worst nightmare. But in all of this bug-madness, I’d have to say I’m a little thankful. Still annoyed as ever but slightly grateful for these flitting creatures. I now have a clean slate to buy food for my pantry. Not to say I’m going to go stock up on canned beans and boxed rice but now I am able to determine the quantity of how much I buy because throwing it all away I realized I bought WAY too much in the beginning. I’m only one person. How many bags of dried lentils can one person eat? Honestly?! So come Saturday we have our bug-man coming to the rescue. I just hope our house doesn’t get packaged up in those brightly colored red and yellow bug tents. Those are ridiculously ridiculous. It’s quite embarrassing enough to have larvae and moths but to showcase it to the world? I think I’ll pass. But if that’s what needs to be done in order to rid our home of these pointless creatures then here’s my white flag. I’m handing it over, I surrender.

I just read an interesting info-pamphlet on pantry moths.....if interested here's the link

http://www.beyondpesticides.org/infoservices/pesticidesandyou/Summer%2003/pantry_moths.pdf

Sweet Tooth

Okay, So I have a tiny bit of a "sweets" addiction. Just a small one.....Right. It's enormous! Giganticly Gigantic! But here's the thing. If I go without candies, cakes, cookies etc for a longer period of time (for me a long period of time is about 3 days) then I'm totally fine & can resist the temptation to devour an entire bag of Sour Patch Kids. But once I get that one taste, I'm like a crack-addict wanting her next fix. That's all I can think about is....mmm....I wonder what kind of sweet-treat I can have after lunch. I'm somewhat OKAY about resisting these urges. Somewhat. Today I was not. I brought an apple & an orange with me to work to see if I could trick myself. Didn't work. You can't fool a candy addict. After I ate my lunch (I'm addicted to the Tuna Salad at Literati Cafe. D-Licious) I convinced myself that, "Hey, it's okay to have a small bit of sweets today. The market by the office has really great chocolate chip cookies. I'll just eat half & then save the rest for tomorrow." It's conversations like this that I have with myself that get my pants a fittin-snugly. Well, I stopped into the market and instead of getting the cookie (which I really don't even like chocolate chip cookies much) I noticed their fine expansive array of protein bars. I don't like protein bars. I think they taste like ass. But some of the names of these bars were intriguing. I started to think..."hey, the Peanut Butter Caramel bar sounds like it would satiate my sweet-tooth & it's a healthier option." So I went for it. I bypassed my cookie & went for the "Think Think Pink: Peanut Butter Caramel bar". If I wanted to taste chalky cardboard I would've....well, I probably never have wanted to taste chalky cardboard & I now know for sure that I will NEVER want to taste anything that resembles this "protein bar"/Chalk brick. One bite and I knew. Shoulda gone for the cookie. But now I am in a pickle. Do I go back into the market & get the cookie? They would of course know that I was defeated by my brain's "oh I'm going to be healthy attitude" and give in to the cookie. I didn't do that. I was even worse. I stopped off at the bagel shop "to get some hot tea" well knowing they serve donuts. I don't even like donuts that much! But my "stomach" was on a sweetness mission & my brain was not doing a very good job in coersing me out of it. So I wait in line at the bagel shop. A long line. It's signs like these that I should pay attention to. I wanted something sweet. I got a chalk bar. There's a huge line at my next stop. Two people cut in front of me because I was probably in a slobbery daze in front of the donut window. I have to ask/tell the woman 3 times which donut I want because she doesn't understand that I want the "old-fashioned glazed donut" not the bland, drab un-glazed one. Yah, nothing stopped me. And you know what....I ate that freakin donut in like two seconds. I don't even remember eating it. Well, that's actually an exaggeration. It took me about 5 minutes but my point is, I didn't really need or want the donut. I wanted it but looking back I definitely could've just done without it. So now I kinda feel guilty but not really. It's more comical than anything. I cannot even talk myself out of eating something sweet after lunch. I went TWO years without eating candy. TWO YEARS. That's a very very very long time for someone who calls themselves a candy addict. And you know what....after the first month of not eating candy I didn't even miss it. I could prance back and forth along the candy isle & not twitch a muscle. (A month may seem like a long time to not eat candy but for me it was 4 agonizing weeks). But then I got over it. So....with all of this being said I believe I would like to stop eating candy again. I can't say for how long. But honestly, this current sweets/candy obsession has GOT TO GO. I do fancy myself some Cadbury Eggs so perhaps I can swing it till Easter. We'll see. For now I'll just be on my super sugar high for the next hour & then Crash, Boom, Bang, down I go.

Tornado Season is upon us

A letter to a friend…..

I can see why you have a connection with English Steven. He is witty & charming but he lives in England. Drab. He cleverly writes his e-mail with proper punctuation (a BIG plus in my book…well I don’t really have a book but you get the idea). Please tell me the sunglasses I was wearing yesterday are not the same as the ‘genital face/cock nose’ pair he spoke about in his e-mail. I am forever frightened if so. His proposition of a six month stint would be phenomenally fun! I don’t think you should nix the idea just yet. And anywho….you do live on the left hand side of the country and are in close proximity to many roads so let’s cross your blistered fingers & hope he comes to visit you soon. In the meantime just keep mesmerizing Superman into falling in love with you & your IQ of 160. Did you say you have not seen Iron Man? Scott was correct last night in saying you resemble ‘Pepper’ – the assistant to comic book character science guru turned into world saving hero. You are my partner in crime/fun/scandalous activity. Was there any scandalous activity last night? Oh wait yes there was…..you dancing with the quasi homeless man in the poncho made from my grandmothers rug while I was getting down with the didgeridoo. And then he wanted your number!! With what phone? You’d have to communicate with a cup and string! Ha ha ha, that was divine to witness such a momentous occasion. You made his year! If Ed was not completely frightened by our fun ways we will still have our slightly cracked/glued together skull heads. Speaking of which….did we leave those in Scott’s car? I truly hope so. Again my sincerest apologies for tossing your skull head into his car. I had not anticipated the bounce factor of the skull hitting the seat to be so high. I will stay true to my word…if you would like to exchange skull heads I am happy to oblige to your request. When are we going to make our hula hoops? Let’s put that on the to-do list ASAP because next time we go mash-up dancing at BootieLA I wanna be prepared to kick ass (or at least swivel it around). Wasn’t the hula-girls name Ruby? She’s your hula-hooping soul mate. What colors would you choose to decorate with? Would I go bright 80’s neon, disco glam glittery or dark, sultry Indian/Hindi style? Decisions decisions. I burnt my fingers a few times whilst making our delicious quesadilla. (I hope that when you read that last sentence you pronounced it Dilla like Villa not Dilla like Seeya). Next time I’m over at the Hill Street Pad, Apt. F I will replace the deliciously pink & white animals covered in nonpareils that I ravaged last night. I was just thinking….how the heck did you get your hands so blistered last night?? I thought I was drumming it pretty hard last night but in comparison to the outcome of your brutally blistered fingers/palms I guess I’m mistaken. OMG- I cannot believe those 18 year old girls tried getting you to buy them a drink yesterday. I bet it was an undercover sting operation! Good thing you have high moral standards, I wonder how many years in jail you would’ve had to spend. ;0) Ha ha, I kid I kid. It’s 81 freaking degrees right now & the office is the last place I’d like to be about now. When did we text Juli? I must have been totally committed to my Disarrono & couldn’t pay attention. It was a blast seeing Alina…I questioned myself about asking her about my missing wigs….but seeing that she borrowed them 4 years ago I surmised that she probably threw them out or she secretly wears them nightly & is so attached to them she couldn’t bare losing them. DO NOT DELETE the message we left ourselves. Was it when I was calling you to hear my spastic ring tone? We sure traveled the town last night. Scott once called me a tornado & I can proudly call you a tornado as well. Because we whip right in, stir things up, hop from here to there….we may cause a lot of ruckus but in the end….wait….tornados don’t really end well for the others. It is fun for us though so oh well. There were a few texts that I received from T-Dog this morning & as the hungover banter ensued, I was asking about the BBQ, etc….he said something about burgers & smores & I wrote back….”Smores? I’m so jealous!” Then he wrote back and said, “you said the same thing last night when I said we were making smores”. Ha ha, I then went back and checked my texting log last night & sure’nuf I had written…. “Smores? I love smores! I’m so jealous”. Didn’t really remember that. Oops. Perhaps the Jameson snuck up on me too. BTW those were some dang good nachos last night. I think I said the joke “What do you call cheese that’s not yours?” a few too many times last night. Especially to Ed who kindly laughed each time I told the joke although he was probably more annoyed than anything. Oh, and I made him take one of the skulls and ask in a funny voice if the guy across from us wanted a beer. All I wanted was for the guy to crack a smile. He seemed so serious and intent on not having fun. But then again, his fun may not be our fun & vice versa ya know? Good times. Yes. Tornado’s indeed. Are you up for dinner with Sevada & Caitlin & crew? I’m not sure yet as a nap is definitely in my near future once I manage Sawtelle traffic through mini-Japan town & hook a left onto Olympic to get home. (Just in case you wanted a play by play mapquest-y imagery of my decent into traffic hell after work). Oh and guess who still had her banana flavored lip gloss and gingerlilly positivity spray stuck in her bra which she just found moments ago?? That’s right! Kristen Paige Terry. That’s one classy lady. It’s super hilarious as to what I can stuff in my bra & then completely forget about. The benefits of being small chested. Well I best be gettin back to work seeing that I am being paid to deliriously write to you on Facebook. Up up and away!!

12/29/08

“Is you is or is you ain’t my baby….the way your acting lately, makes me doubt” cooed Diana Krall via my cell-phone alarm. I do not own an alarm clock, preferring instead to rely on my never-so-trusty cellular phone. (Damn you T-mobile for your shoddy service). But today the alarm went off without a hitch & of course the “snooze” button was hit repeatedly until there was no possible way of being on time for work. Why do I insist on ‘snoozing’ w/5 minute increments once my initial alarm has gone off? It’s not like the extra sleep I am getting (or not getting for that matter) is actually beneficial to me.

My bare feet scuffled along the mountainous piles of clothing and shoes to find the way to the door. Only I have the luck of a wounded fish in a shark tank and managed to not once, but twice step on hard objects that were so purposefully pointed upright as to cause the most pain upon puncture. Yoweeeee! With some hops a bunny would be proud of & an occasional whimper or two I learned from mans best friend, I managed to make it to the shower without further damage to myself. Looks like today I got up on the wrong side of the bed, although there is only one side to get out of the bed but the concept is there.

My girlfriend & I went adventuring to the ‘Laserium’ in Van Nuys this past Friday evening and boy oh boy it exceeded all expectations. When I was living in Utah as a youngster, we would frequent the Hansen Planetarium (now known as Clark Planetarium) and ‘wow’ ourselves with the Cosmic Laser Shows. The laser shows were set to all the classic music; ie; Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, U2, The Doors. When we would attend these shows, my friends & I would be stone sober, no joke. When my girlfriend asked me if I’d like to join her for the laser show I was a bit skeptical. I mean, Van Nuys?? A laser show?? I thought I’d give it shot & I although I had high expectations, I was pleasantly surprised. When we first arrived at the warehouse (where the ‘Laserium’ was, almost studio-like) we met our host/hostess. Let’s just say they may have consumed large quantities of mind-altering substances in the past & might still believe it is 1974. The walls were painted to resemble ‘outer space’ with stars, galaxies, planets, etc all in paint that picked up black light….very neat! It reminded me of when I was a young & had the glow in the dark galaxy above my bed. Ahh, memories. Back to the story. We were led into a room where there was the “Lightdancer” and I desperately want one. But there is only one in the world. It was some sort of rubber mat in the center with laser lights embedded in the mat that would catch the lights that were hanging above. (Sounds complicated & my way of explaining it probably makes things worse). Long story short anytime your shadow would interrupt the laser/light stream, a musical note would be played. Note: there was already a song being played in the background with graphics being shown on a projector at the front of the room, the notes would coincide with the song, adding a second soundtrack if you will. We had our fair share of turns dancing on the Lightdancer, none of which were worthy of “dancing with the stars” although I am okay with that. We were then lead into the main area where the laser show would be. Did I mention it was set to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon?!?! Yup, awesome is all I have to say. I’m really not great at explaining the laser/light/music concept so I will just say it was incredible to be so entertained with technology. It was 90% different than my initial laser show experiences but for some reason I enjoyed this one a bit more. Perhaps because it felt so “home-ly” and “ghetto” if you will. I have a new found respect for Van Nuys and the Laserium.

Saturday started off wonderfully. I woke up, which is always a good thing, & started off my day with a beautiful, relaxing drive up the Pacific Coast Highway, searching for a hiking spot suitable for man’s best friend. After a few misses (parks/trails that do not allow pets) we found our way to a National Park in Malibu. Perfect. (I will now guide you through my hiking experience via a “wordy-poetry-like-endeavor”). A crisp breeze tickled our skin as we began the trek up the mountain with moments of sun bursting through the trees, warming our skin ever so slightly. Crunch, crunch, crunch went our feet as we traversed up the hills over the slightest layer of frost, inhaling the fresh, un-polluted air. The trails meandered this way and that until we found our way into what into “private property”. (Note: I can’t be sure it was private property or not as I wasn’t really paying attention to posted signs. I know, smart.) The adventure then began as we crossed river after river trying to navigate our way back to the starting point. Okay, again I exaggerate. They were more likely to be called streams than rivers but it sounded so dangerous when I wrote ‘rivers’ I thought I’d just wing it……Okay, it is now a full two weeks since I began writing this blog entry so it’s not as fresh in my memory as it should be. But I will attempt to make my closing statements in a relatively sane manner. Back to the hike….hopped back and forth across streams, even had to take off the shoes and wade through the FREEZING cold water in addition to having slimy mud-goo seep through the spaces between my toes. Mmm….gotta love that feeling….NOT. (I haven’t used the phrase “…..NOT” for a long time. I think I will re-introduce it into my daily vocabulary. Anywho, why do so many people litter whilst they are in nature? I really couldn’t believe how much litter/trash I accumulated on our hike. After I picked up one water bottle, it became more of a mission to each time I spotted litter, I had to go & pick it up. Eventually it will probably end up in a landfill somewhere and the amount of energy it takes for cars, planes, etc to pick up the “recycling” from the bin may offset the actual benefit of me lugging around armfuls of trash. It became more of an internal issue that I could not stand to see the trash lying in such a wondrous, beautiful area. The rest of the hike was awesome! It wasn’t much of an intensive hike but more of a relaxing stint in nature. I need to be in nature more often. I didn’t make any New Years Resolutions because I like/d the way I was/am & didn’t feel the need to offer up commitments to myself. But if there is one, it will be to be outside in nature more often. When I say “nature” I mean anywhere where I can inhale and exhale without breathing in thousands of car fumes, toxins, etc.